TIFU by deciding to eat out rather than at home

About two hours ago, I was laying in bed and I started getting hungry. I had two meal preps left in the fridge for this week, but I had just taken a particularly difficult exam, so I decided to treat myself to Popeyes instead.

I pull up to the drive thru, they say I have to go inside to order, no big deal. I go in, I do that. And I would have eaten inside of the restaurant too, if it weren’t for the fact that I had ordered a “2 Can Share” meal for just myself to consume. The lady offered me two sporks, I accepted them both, and I left the establishment.

So, I drive out of the Popeyes parking lot and into the adjacent dark, unlit abandoned strip mall’s parking lot, put on my harry potter audiobook, and just began to devour that chicken. Like, I’m deep in the zone, thoroughly enjoying myself, not even caring what kind of facial expressions I could be making or what kind of a mess I am making.

All of the sudden I see this flash in my rear view mirror. I thought it could just be someone driving around the area, but next thing I know, the car is just feet away from my own. The driver is sitting there snickering at me and holding up his phone, presumably recording me. Then he moved his car directly in front of mine and parked it. I freaked the flippin fuck out, so I put my car into drive and blasted the fuck outta there.

I was angry and distraught, I didn’t even know how to interpret what had just happened to me. I had no idea why that guy was filming me nor why he was parking right in front of me in an abandoned parking lot. All I knew was that I was scared and I felt somehow violated. I made it back to my college campus parked in front of one of the buildings, sat in my car for a minute, and decided to go in to do some work. But then I noticed something: my wallet was missing. I searched my pockets, every nook and cranny of my car, but I could find absolutely nothing. My night had just gotten even worse.

I called my dad to ask him what to do, but when we were talking, I realized something: that guy who had pulled up next to me may have been one of the Popeyes workers who saw me drop my wallet and followed me to return it to me! My dad agreed that this may very well have been the case, and advised me to drive back to Popeyes.

On my drive back to Popeyes, I’m sitting in my car, practicing my “oh, you scared the crap out of me! sorry I didn’t know what you were there to do,” monologue that I was going to be presenting to the Good Samaritan employee.

But I get to Popeyes, and I walk in, go “hi, I was just here an hour ago and I somehow lost my wallet within then and now, did anyone possibly hand a wallet in?” The lady looked and asked around, but there was no wallet to be found.

Then I realized. This man didn’t have to be an employee. He could have just been a random dude who saw me drop my wallet and tried to get it back to me. So I called my dad to update him, but got no response. Almost immediately after though, I got a call from my older brother. He was like “hi, crappymailm. Have you heard from Dad lately? I just got a very strange text message from him.” The text message was multiple paragraphs of things like “Kulkkkmlkmjumkkuu mkllllyy ylyil your lyour Kyu Milne Me PMs make Oklahoma on my my l” (this being an actual excerpt from the text).

He continued on, saying, “so I’m a little worried about him… this reminds me of what happened when (his stepdad) died.”

I said I’d keep calling our dad. But when I hung up the phone I flipped out. I dont know if it was just how things were going leading up to that moment, but I was like 75% sure that my dad was lying helplessly alone in his apartment dying while the rest of us were unknowingly going about our lives.

This state of events continued for about 15 minutes as I drove home. Finally, I get a text from my dad saying “everythings okay, i probably just butt dialed.” Huge relief taken off my chest, but I was still very shaken up.

When I reached my apartment I called my dad and unloaded on him (in the nicest way possible) for making us think something had happened to him. In the midst of that, out of the corner of my eye, I see something. My glove box. The thing I had put my wallet in before I started eating to make sure it didn’t get greasy.

I told my dad, and we had a good chuckle about this. But then I had another realization.

I said to my dad “but you know what all of this means, right?”

And he jokingly replied “you’re $50 richer than you thought you were?”

I said “yes, but this also means that that guy really was a creep.”

I should have eaten at home.

TLDR: went to popeyes, was creeped out by a guy, lost my wallet, realized the guy wasnt a creep, thought my dad died, learned he wasnt dead, found my wallet, realized the guy was a creep all a long