TIFU by taking a job that ruined my life in just one year

Reddit, I fucked up by letting a stressful, fast-paced, underpaid soul sucking job ruin my life and joy. I'm only 24 years old.

Graduation date: December 2019. Been battling Borderline Personality Disorder and Anxiety Disorder all my life. I recently got diagnosed with ADHD (predominantly inattentive).

My life, joy and fun ended when I graduated college. I lost my identity and self when I joined the real world, which I cannot handle. I was the bomb in college. Getting straight A's, being a promising student, had tons of friends, I hung out... I was at the top of my game. Now, I haven't left the house in a long time. A childhood trauma came back to bite me this year and I ended up in the mental hospital. Then, an outpatient program. A girl teared my heart to pieces and sent me to another outpatient program for 9 days.

I went from being active in organizations in college and being all over the place to being a corporate slave at a fast paced, high pressure job with changing priorities and disorganization that I cannot keep up with. I get rewarded with more work. Because I have adhd and anxiety, I lag behind, I'm slow. I used to be so good at college and studying and I suck as a working woman. I only got a 2% raise this week, which was required anyways. My coworkers got over 4%.

No matter what I do, my company isn't pleased. They ask for more and more. I get screwed up being passed on promotions and raises. I saw my manager make a LinkedIn post about how good my team is but I was not included in the post. I used to go to bars and confidently flirt, but I feel so ugly since graduation that I lost interest in socializing.

I miss the old me. This isn't how I wanted to be. This isn't how I pictured my life after graduating... chained to productivity expectations and a desk. I wanted to travel, move to a different city. Yet, I try to move but I keep getting rejected from jobs I apply to the city I want to move to. I would do anything to take back the fun life I had in college.

Now, I do not have a single friend. No confidence to socialize in bars. I haven't hung out with anyone since December 2019. The me right now is just a shell of what I was.

I am here waiting for life to get better and fun, but it won't because Im in this never-ending hustle and grind 9-5 fast paced high pressure cycle at work.... and a field that doesn't interest me. And I already switched to a new one and can't find a job in it either.

All I got from this job and life after college was my kitchen turning into a pharmacy. Every few months, a medication is added. Another antidepressant dose increase. Another ADHD stimulant that will fail and I have to stop taking.

TL;DR: I took a stressful, fast-paced, micromanaging and underpaid job last year that destroyed my mental health, confidence and my interest in socializing. I can't quit because I can't find another job. It worsened my mental health and every month, there is a new medication added or a dose increase. Went from cheerful, social and the best student in college to a failure, mentally ill mess in the real world.