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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by telling a girl that I just met that my wife had to come home from college to do physical therapy for her torn vagina

My wife and I are well out of our college years and have two young children. We wanted a date night so hired a sitter for a couple of hours while we sipped margaritas at one of our local favorites.

We get home and are sitting in the living room, making small talk with the college-aged sitter that I have never met before tonight. My wife is telling her about how she suffered a shoulder injury as a cheerleader in college that required her to come back to our hometown multiple times per week for physical therapy.

My wife is the most intelligent person that I know (obviously much more so than me, judging by what just came out of my mouth) but she frequently cannot think of a certain word in conversation and looks to me to interject with said word at times. You may see where this is heading.

In the middle of her story, my wife forgets exactly WHAT she tore in her shoulder (her labrum), and pauses to look at me for guidance. It's at this point that I blurt out LABIA with complete confidence like I'm Ken Jennings buzzing in for Jeopardy before the host has even finished the question. (Who is an idiot, Alex?)

I'd like to be able to tell you that I realized my mistake immediately, but sadly it took 3-4 seconds of my wife staring at me in total shock before I put 2 and 2 together.

Realizing that I had just insinuated my wife had to come home from college to seek medical attention for her torn vagina, I apologized and exited the room with my hands over my face in shame.

The poor sitter just left and my face is still burning with embarassment. My wife laughed it off like the cool person that she is (I don't deserve my wife) but I can only hope that the sitter found it as humorous.

Going to pour myself a stiff drink now and try to forget the whole exchange. Enjoy laughing at my pain.

TL;DR: I told the college-aged, female babysitter that I just met that my wife had to do weeks of physical therapy for a torn labia. She tore her labrum.

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