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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by unintentionally calling my boss “babe” in front of my entire workgroup

We had a massive deadline this morning at work. It was on the entire company’s radar. Our whole team has been driving it like we stole it to get it done. Due to things out of our control, our test data didn’t come in on time. At the end of yesterday, it looked like our spectacular accomplishment was about to be a colossal public failure. My boss waved us off late in the day because everyone was blurry-eyed, and Frankenstein walking around like we worked in the shadow realm. Even if the data arrived at that point, the report was going to be a herculean effort. He’s a super dude and was already falling on his sword to leadership for us and congratulating us on an amazing attempt as he told us all to go home. We all knew he could be dodging flaming meteors fired at him this morning, but he never let on or showed any disappointment.

It’d been lots of late nights stacked on top of tons of stress, so most everyone went home to a real life. I’ve recently detonated my personal life and been deep in the boo-hoo phase of a break-up, so I took a minute to doomscroll instead. As I sat there, the data hit my inbox. I simply couldn’t take another loss this week. Two of my teammates were still in the building when I announced I was slaying this damn report and screaming for a bonus…and possibly a parade, depending on how saucy I felt. God love ‘em, they joined my quantum crazy, and after maining coffee all night, we got that shit done right before the asscrack of dawn. My boss showed up early with breakfast and more coffee as soon as he heard to do the final read-through, only finding out we’d stayed after we actually created something coherent.

High-fives rocketed around the room when we finally incorporated his edits in time. I was shaky from displacing my blood with caffeine but vibing the high-voltage energy in the room. I needed it in the worst way. Still, there were a few additional logistics to get this thing launched successfully. That’s technically part of my job, but my boss tells us all to go home and get some sleep as he gets the signatures to close for us.

As the movie trailer voice in my head is claiming the victory from the flames in a very sexy, very male and lusciously deep voice, I remembered a key step that might get overlooked. It was a moment of cognitive dissonance—my brain misfired as I yelled at my boss’ back, “Babe, don’t forget to have finance upload the XXX form.”

Oh, holy shit. Imagine my boss…slowly…turning… dead-ass staring at me like I’d lost my bloody mind.

I have NO IDEA what he is looking at, and my head shifts 45 degrees, dog-earing the man as I’m non-verbally asking him “what now?” I didn’t hear myself say, “babe.” It didn’t register until the asshats that are my coworker chime in. “Yeah Baaaaabe, make sure you get that form from finance.”

“Baaaaabyyyyy, maybe you can talk them into giving us a bonus. PLEEEESE BAAAAABE!!!”

They are stupidly entertaining, and I am typically a secret sap for how they tease me, but the coming hazing will be perpetual and merciless. I didn’t even apologize to the poor man. The blood rushing to my face re-booted my brain. Hiding under my hands, I started to giggle at the comedy of the situation. Tear were running down my face as the snippers conjugated any phrase they could invoke using “babe.” Fortunately, my boss slinked away, but oh god, how am I ever looking him in the eye again? I might figuratively die for being an idiot-sandwich on Monday, or sooner as it keeps playing through my head.

TL:DR Not adulting well and called my boss “babe”. Waiting for the fun convo with HR now.

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