Skip to main content

TIFUpate: allowing my coworker to set me up

Post a Comment

TIFU by eating too many grapes with blue cheese

So it was 4AM, casually chilling in my room, watching netflix and eating grapes with blue cheese. I ate like half a kilo of grapes and a whole 100g brick of blue cheese.

All of a sudden I get this really bad stomach ache, I pull my knees close to the chest behind the computer to ease the pain a little and let some gas out, seems to be working for a minute. Then the pain gets even worse and I proceed to go lay down on the bed, tucked in again for a few minutes until the pain gets to the point I can't even really move my legs anymore. I pull myself together and go to the toilet.

As I sit on the toilet really in pain, crawled up and just trying to squeeze something out. All I get is a few pathetic farts. I'm sitting there, now the pain is so bad that I'm sweaty af, remove my hoodie and throw it on the ground, my ears are ringing so loud that I can't hear anything else above it. I'm thinking that maybe I have to call the ambulance since the pain was so powerful. I try to sit upright and that's when I fucked up. As soon as I sit upright, I pass out. I regain conciousness (few minutes? honestly don't know for how long I was out) later, confused as fuck, hearing the water flow, and my feet are fully underwater on the floor. After 20-30 seconds I really get conscious again to the point I can understand what's going on and realize what had just happened. As I sat upright, I had passed out and fallen backwards so I broke the toilet bowl's water reservoir. Also managed somehow to break a drywall board behind the bowl. I had also a deep cut in the forearm with the broken edge of the bowl, missing the vein by literally a millimeter. Luckily I live with my mom so I got up and woke her up asking if she can come help. While behind her room door, I feel now that I'm literally starting to shit myself. Thinking what the fuck to do since I just broke the toilet bowl, I run to bathroom and into the bath. I literally shit for 10-15minutes straight pure diarrhea into the bath, like all the grapes and blue cheese that I had eaten 20-30minutes before all came out, flushed the system fully clean. After that luckily everything was fine with me again. We cleaned up the mess the mess together and went back to sleep. Now I have a mission of fitting a new toilet bowl.

​

TL;DR - Ate half a kilo of grapes with whole brick of blue cheese, got the most painful stomach ache of my life, went to toilet, blacked out due to pain, broke my toilet bowl and almost slit my vein during the proccess, almost shit myself full and then proceeded to shit my whole bathtub full.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU almost so bad by not unlogging from this Reddit account

I use this Reddit account to mod r/hearhimfuck , watch my porn and answer NSFWAMA when I feel like it. I religiously log off completely after every time because I don't want my partner or anyone knowing about this account. It's the holidays and we are all busy so I had a quick session with myself and ran to get a shower and leave for another family Christmas dinner. My phone stayed in my purse the whole evening. By the end there's 6 of us left and we're sitting in the living room, having mellow conversation. Pets are discussed and photos shown. Someone asks about my dogs so I go fetch my phone and sit back on the couch. As soon as I unlock it, there's a full blown ANAL clip playing. Fortunately, the sound was off. I manage to turn the sound all the way down and shut the app without anyone seeing. TLDR; Iwas THIS close from having hardcore porn blasting surrounded by my parents, my partner, an aunt and a two cousins. I can't imagine the aftermath of what could...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by fucking my coworker

Happened a couple of days ago, but yeah, as the title says... Oops... We've worked together for about a year now; we've always been friendly, but I never really clocked her as a potential romantic option; she's my coworker, she had a boyfriend when we started working together, and to be honest I just thought she was completely out of my league: I'm a schlub and she is gorgeous So when she texts me asking if we want to hang out after work, I genuinely thought nothing untoward would happen; I thought we were just going to chill and watch cartoons; and for a while we were just having a nice platonic hangout. But we got very drunk, and eventually she was giving me the bedroom eyes and saying we should make out. I very emphatically said that was a bad idea, but she kissed me anyway, and at that point I really lost any semblance of self-restraint.. I am not proud of myself, at all. I can tell myself that she came onto me, but ultimately I also comepletly let it happen. No...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by shopping on Amazon

So I have an Amazon account, and a family. Anyhow, the person I'm seeing likes to do things with me... try new things if you know what I mean 😏 Recently I've ordered a few packages with adult toys, swing, etc. And... clone a willy. It came in yesterday while I was out. While I was out I got a notification that the cloning kit came in. I sent my son a text asking him to bring my Amazon package in. He said he had already. I didn't think much of it. Until last night when I went to go... use it. I asked my son where the package was on my way out the door. He asked "The plant stand or the cloning kit?". Mind you, the boxes DO NOT say what the contents are, nor were they opened. He must have realized what he said because my face is a goddam story book. I just stood there silent and shocked. He pointed towards the closet. This has been going on for ages, but he has NEVER indicated knowing what's in the packages. So now my teenage son knows his mom is a freak. ...
Post a Comment
Read more