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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by making a terrible deal with my girlfriend [NSFW]

A few bits of context:

  1. Girlfriend and I are both interested in having a baby. We talk about it a lot. She said she wants to wait a year because she just got a promotion and doesn't want to immediately go on maternity leave. I'm ready now, but I'm a fairly patient guy so I was fine with waiting.

  2. We are an extremely sarcastic couple.

  3. Girlfriend is very sexually.....liberated. She's bisexual and sometimes she jokes about wanting to put things in my butt. I laugh it off but have no interest in doing anything involving anyone's butthole.

Earlier today she joked about wanting to put a dildo in my ass, I jokingly replied "maybe if it's a double sided dildo and we go ass to ass". She was very intrigued by that statement. I was obviously joking and she knew that, but she wanted to tease me with it. She said "if that happened I would have your child right now".. My dumbass JOKINGLY said "Deal"

Now she's dangling this over me like it has to happen otherwise no baby....ever. No more "waiting a year".. The future of our family now hinges on going ass to ass.

I really hope this is just a short lived joke and she forgets about it in a month.

TL;DR: My girlfriend won't have kids with me unless I go ass to ass with her.

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