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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by trying to please my wife

TL;DR: tried to go down on my wife and she farted in my face, then proceeded to laugh at me and pee on the bed.

My wife and I just moved into our new apartment. Our sex life has been pretty great since we moved in but she was feeling left out in the downstairs region. She has a hard time finishing with out clitoral stimulation and always felt like I would get bored during the time it took her to usually finish herself off.

I figured I'd spice it up and bring out the vibrator to help speed things up. I get in position and she plops into bed and says "heads up I'm going to fart".

With no hesitation my wife rips ass right into my face. It was a short burst. Then she proceeds to laugh at me so hard that she pisses herself.

So not only do I get pink eye. I also have to clean up involuntary water sports.

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