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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by eating a "spice pellet" in front of my now fiancée.

As is tradition round here this happened many moons ago when my now fiancée and I first started dating. Back then one of my theories on dating was the idea that an open palate and a willingness to try new and exotic foods correlated to being an open minded individual; something I was looking for in a partner. Everything from spicy Thai and Indian to sushi and Vietnamese coagulated animal jello blocks were on the table so to speak.

This particular FU happend as many do; on a Sunday morning after drinking way too much the night before. We got up and decided that coffee alone would not be enough to get us through this haze of poor life choices. Thankfully one of the upsides of living in a Hispanic neighborhood is there is a taco shop typically within stumbling distance in any direction. Pick a cardinal direction and walk on.

I knew of one close by that focused on goat dishes, I love goat, and we headed that way. She was not excited to try goat seeing as this was right in the time of the screaming and fainting goat videos all over place. "Too cute to eat as a main dish but ill take a bite of yours" she said. We get there and it is a popular spot. It is busy. She gets a pastor and barbacoa taco plate and I got something I saw someone else eating. It looked like menudo but less soupy more condensed and yes it was goat. "I'll have one of whatever that is please." I am used to people asking are you sure about that or "you know that comes with a hoof in it, u still want it that way?" I should have not waived it off this time. The dish turned out to to be goat chitlins, boiled then fried+- goat intestines in a menudo like broth. None of that is a problem in fact it wasn't delicious but it was pretty good.

My GF still hadn't tried it and I'm explaining what it tastes like but there's this unique flavor I couldn't put my finger on. Very earthy, and here gentle reader comes the fuckup. On my plate there's something about the size of a marble and it looks leafy, oh that must be the seasoning used let's bite into that.

Morgan Freeman voice

"it was not a seasoning pellet."

I chewed on this little leafy marble and instantly there was this acrid taste that shut down all taste in my mouth after that. I spit it out and no matter how much water I drank it lingered. What the hell was that? A bay leaf on steroids? Nope. Thankfully our next table over neighbor was nice enough to enlighten us. "Is no good. They did not clean the meat. Do not eat that." He was very polite but finally we understood he was trying to tell me I just chewed on a goat turd. Well fuck. "Waitress, more water and the check please." That is how my open mindedness backfired and why my GF refused to kiss me and my shit eating grin for a day. We are still together but every once in a while she gives me shit about eating a goats ass but not hers.

TLDR: took a girl out to eat exotic foods and ended up eating a goat turd. 2/10 with rice.

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