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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU I thought I could get an uber or lyft after anal

Last night, I connected with a friend who wanted to meet up for post-holiday activities. He didn’t want his neighbors seeing me come into his home, so he asked me to head over after 11pm when his neighbors would be sound asleep.

It hadn’t snowed here for a while (at least 2 years), and yesterday was the first snow day we had. So I decided to walk up to his neighborhood and enjoy the glistening snow in the night. He lives at the top of a neighborhood that is a hill. My hike/promenade uphill was so lovely. The crisp winter air and the snow were unexpectedly sensuous, and the fact that he gave me an unbelievable pounding when I got there was the cherry-on-top of a wonderful post-holiday-no-more-family-drama night.

What I hadn’t thought about was my return trip. I was not in any shape to walk home, even if just a mile down the hill, after the aggressive anal my friend gifted me. I was standing outside waiting for my lyft or uber, and the drivers kept canceling on me. It was 2-3am, and it must have been below 20 degrees outside. And windy. After about 20 minutes of getting canceled on because none of the drivers was willing to pick up me up on Queen Anne (apparently Priuses don’t do so well on ice, or the drivers just suck at driving in the snow), I said fuck it and just hiked down to my neighborhood. I hiked up earlier in the night, I could certainly hike my way back down.

It was a bad idea. Like so bad. Not only was I already limited in my walking because of earlier activities, but I actually slipped and fell several times on ice, at one point sliding half a block. My jeans and underwear got wet, and they were frozen. What no one talks about with anal is that your sphincter becomes loose for a bit immediately after the activity. There was no way to clench to hold onto the deposited contents from my friend. By the time I made it down the hill, after slipping and sliding, I couldn’t tell if I was wet and frozen with snow in my butt, or with leaked contents that I could not contain, or both.

Well, I knew instantly it was some of my friend’s contents the minute I stepped into my building’s elevator. In the warmth of the building, I could smell the scent of it even though I was wearing a mask. My neighbor in the elevator gave me strange looks because he probably smelled it too. He wasn’t wearing a mask, and probably wasn’t expecting to run into anyone at 3 or 4am. That’s what he gets for not wearing a mask. And yes I am still sorta pissed at the uber and lyft drivers.

TL;DR: I overestimated the dedication of uber and lyft drivers.

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