Skip to main content

TIFU trying to have anal sex with my girlfriend.

Okay, so my girlfriend and I have been occasionally having anal sex as we’re finding it can be very enjoyable and fun if all the prep work actually happens correctly.

Over the past 2 years we’ve slowly been trying different ways to prep for it. For awhile it was just a small handheld water douche, we found using that once or twice before having sex gave us almost no issues most of the time. Unfortunately though, sometimes this method wasn’t fool proof and after some good lengthy bump’n my dick didn’t have a clean pull out.

So that being said, we looked online to essentially find ways to give us the “professional porn” results you see in videos. (And honestly, I still have no idea how the hell they have such a clean anus)

Anyways, we found this shower head attachment that was basically a butt plug with 5 holes on it to allow water through (4 on the sides and 1 hole centred at the top).

So we did our usual routine with the handheld water douche to help drop some potatoes in the crock pot before we jumped in the shower. I got the attachment on and after some light rinsing my girlfriend moved into doggy position so I could use it.

This is where shit hits the fan (almost literally).

We didn’t think about if the water had to be on first or if it’s turned on after the plug was inserted (still don’t fully know to be honest). So we had the shower on and I found a nice lukewarm temperature, I squeezed out some astro glide lube and smeared it all over. I lowered the shower head plug to her slippery brown eye and went to slide it in. I proceeded with caution and went a little slow as it’s the first time using it for us. As it went in, the 4 holes on the side of the plug became naturally blocked because her chocolate pocket is very tight around. This forced all the water to use the centred hole which is halfway in aiming right down her poop chute. It turned the slow trickling water plug into a pressure washer.

She immediately let out a small shriek and I pulled it out quickly. She was okay, just very shocked. We tried again and this time to avoid blocking all the water holes I quickly shanked it into her. About 5 seconds or so passed and then I pulled it out. She drained out some water and it was all clear with nothing visibly in it.

We were pretty excited, so I grabbed the lube and we moved into the fun right then and there!

Everything seemed awesome, we were having a great time. Then I started to feel her tighten up a bit down there, usually this happens when I’m getting her close. I fought the pressure and kept going, it was like swimming against the current. Little did I know, my dick had now become what I could only describe as a plug for a sewage pipe that was ready to blow. Think of Toby Maguire in Spiderman 2 when he’s trying to stop the train. She finally can’t take it anymore and moves forward a bit so I can slide out. Immediately after I’m out, a jet stream of brown swamp-like water sprays out of her mud tunnel.

I’m absolutely shocked and can see the embarrassment on her face. I assure her that’s it’s okay, not to worry about it because we didn’t know. Luckily since we’re in the shower everything washed away very quickly and things looked good again. She caught me off guard by then offering to finish me off with a blow job. I accepted instantly.

A few minutes in, she tells me her stomach hurts and that she thinks she needs to sit on the can. I told her that can’t be true because she just finished crying a brown river. Let me just say, boy was I wrong. So she goes back to working on me and about 30 seconds later I looked down and saw a small brown water stream running towards the drain. We instantly stopped and she got up saying she has to get out. When she turned around, there was so much brown water running down her legs I yelled for her to wait so we could rinse her off first. So she turned back to face me and that’s when her ass just started spraying all over uncontrollably. She yelled for me to get out, but I couldn’t due to the layout of our bathroom, the one side of the tub is blocked in by the toilet. I shouted back “I can’t! You’re shitting all over the exit”.

I was trapped. The smell was awful. I had to stand there awkwardly spreading my legs so the swamp water could drain. I grabbed the shower head to try and help drain it faster, but the stupid butt plug attachment was still on causing the water to just slowly sprinkle out of it.

I attempted to lighten the mood by asking if her lunch at work today was good, as I could see some fried rice slowly passing under me. At this point though I think too much damage was done and we were both a little traumatized.

Not sure when we’ll attempt that kind of fun again, feels like we’ve stained the memory of enjoyable anal sex for now. Those damn porn stars make it look so easy and clean…

TL;DR I used a shower head anal douche on my girlfriend and she started spraying poop water everywhere. Horrible smell, terrible clean up and embarrassment all around.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...
Post a Comment
Read more