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TIFU by not cleaning under my bed for 15 years

I bought my house about 15 years ago. It was an old house and a bit of a fixer-upper, but it was cozy and in a fantastic neighborhood. At the time, I had been in a relationship for about 7 years with a woman that had an incredibly healthy sex drive (bless her for that). I'd say, on average, we probably had sex 4 times a week, sometimes more. I only mention this to say that my own libido had grown quite accustomed to this arrangement.

Sadly, only 2 or 3 days after I had closed on the house and began moving in, she sat me down to tell me that she had met someone, and as I had been her first and only serious relationship, coupled with the pressure of me getting a house and talking marriage, well, she wasn't ready to settle down yet and wanted to go do more living. It was emotional, but ultimately amicable. Needless to say, she didn't move with me.

Back to the house. It had been built in 1947, and apparently no owner had ever gotten cable TV. When I went to get internet connected, I was told by the technicians that the phone lines/boxes/whatever in the house were too old or in too sad a state to support decent dsl speeds - I'd have to have them all replaced. Or, I could get cable service installed and get cable internet. I went with the second option, which would take two weeks between their schedule and the work to be done.

All this is to say that I lost my primary sexual outlet and internet porn simultaneously - at a time when my testicles had long since gone into wartime production levels. So, I found myself going into an actual brick and mortar adult novelty store to get myself some... "inspirational" DVDs. I wanted to get a decent variety as the internet had already greatly spoiled me by this time. So I grabbed some vanilla-ish skin flicks, a gonzo compilation, and (lord forgive me) a 3-for-1 value bundle of animated discs (Hentai I think it's called - I'm not an expert) as it was cheap and something different. I might have had some curiosity there, too.

Move forward a few days and I decide to try the cartoons. As mentioned, it was a three pack. I put them on the bed, put one in my laptop and began to watch. Aaand... the English dubs made it too much a comedy than erotic enough to fuel a healthy erection. Onto the next, same thing. Needing to open the spillway before the dam broke, I just pushed them aside and went with a skin flick that I had left on the headboard. Bomb defused, off to sleep. The animated discs must have fallen between the headboard and mattress, eventually to the floor, and completely forgotten.

I don't consider myself a slob, I just never really think to clean under the bed or couches as I don't put stuff there. When I vacuum I push the vacuum under the bed as far as it will go and call it good. I mean, it's not going to get messy under there without a source of messiness, right?

Well, recently a cousin has been going through a divorce, and she has started cleaning houses for people on weekends as a way to get some greatly needed additional income. Its worth noting here that this particular cousin is that cousin everyone has that doubles as the family news reporter. Want to know what bad choices cousin Mike is making these days? Shes happy to dish. Didn't know uncle Russ is having problems staying sober? Five minutes around her and you'll know. Anyway, I hired her to come do a big cleaning, mostly just to help her out, partly because the house was starting to need a thorough going-over. Two birds, one stone type thing. I booked her for all day Saturday (yesterday). My gf and I got her started then we went out with friends. We got home in the early evening as my cousin was just getting her car packed back up. She and the gf started gabbing about all she had accomplished. She pointed out that it appeared I hadn't been doing under the bed or couches, and it had been very dusty under there, as well as discovering my late dog's life savings of bones and chew toys. I thanked her and quipped that they'd be good for another 15 years now.

She left, and my gf and I watched a movie before deciding to turn in for the night. Gf goes to her bathroom downstairs to do her night routine, I brush my teeth and head to the bedroom. And there, on the perfectly made bed are three dusted and neatly stacked animated porn DVDs dead center on the comforter. I guess she didn't have the guts to ask where I'd like them? Shit.

I give it maybe 36 more hours until even my own mother thinks i can only get it up to a big breasted half woman-half cat creature. I'm just glad we so recently finished the holiday season. I have ten months before I'm obligated to be in the same house as the extended family. Still not looking forward to it.

tl;dr - Forgot some animated porn DVDs were under my bed for a decade and a half until my gossipy cousin cleaned under there. Everyone will know now.

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