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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU when I pulled a deaf woman over for speeding and asked to see her Vagina

Well for starters this was several years ago when I was a young police officer in a college town in the South. I am retired now. To set this up our department had been teaching us American Sign Language to help officers serve the public. I was all about learning sign language and picked some up pretty quickly, or so I thought. Well one night in the summer I am on traffic enforcement looking for drunk drivers and about 1am I stop a car for speeding. As approach the car a young and very pretty co-ed was driving. I start talking to her but she indicates that she is Deaf. Now I still had the ASL for police officers class from a week ago fresh in my mind and I think to myself “great I get to use a new talent in the field”. I indicate that I can sign and she smiles, so far so good! Now I need to add that I was nervous since this was the first time I had used this on the street and she was very pretty. I then sign that I needed to see her drivers license. A look of terror crossed her face and my cop radar went off. I was thinking what have I stumbled upon. I had dealt with people that didn’t have a license, were dangerous, were drunk, or had warrants. I again sign that I am a police officer and I needed to see her drivers license now and put my cop face on. I also remembered that to a deaf person the look on your face is equivalent to your tone of voice and apparently I was near screaming with my look. Now to add to this it is 1am, it is very dark on a side street and I am 6’2 230 lbs. and she is about 5’2 and maybe 100lbs. This poor girl was FREAKED OUT! I finally realize I haven’t stopped a serial killer and simply ask “well why?” To which she looks down at her crotch and shakes her head violently NO. Well my little pea brain begins to gather information in and I realize that I had been lazy in signing the sign for drivers license and instead had been signing “ I am a police officer, show me your vagina!” I still cringe at that and I must have lit up the road with the 1.1 gigawatts red face and the look of embarrassment/horror caught her off guard (well she was on guard 100% at that point) and she realized that I wasn’t a rouge police officer using my authority to sexually assault her on a dark street, but just a cop that sucked at ASL. Well she started laughing at me and it had to be the relief she felt mixed the humor of what I did. It took several minutes to compose herself and I just stood there and took it looking as sheepish as I ever have. I earned every second of her laughing. I just kept apologizing over and over (I’m glad I got that one right at least) Needless to say she DID NOT get a ticket but a story about this well meaning but dumb police officer that severely messed up a traffic stop. TL/DR: I pulled over a pretty deaf woman, asked in ASL to see her drivers license but mistakenly signed vagina instead of drivers license. Hilarity ensues.

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