TIFU by getting semen in my eye and having to go to the emergency room.

As some of you know, I’ve been hanging with my coworker for a few weeks now. It’s been a lot of fun but disaster finally struck today.

I was fooling around with said coworker in the parking lot before work this morning and not to get into the details of it, but he was finishing orally and he popped out of my mouth as the act was ending. I think it was half my fault for not committing to accepting the result and half him leaning backwards from feeling pretty good.

That popping out resulted in me getting hit in the right eye, followed by some absolutely searing pain. I fell back, nearly hitting my head on the door to his car, going legs over head. Full on somersault almost. I should have entered the Olympics. Naked girl tumbles in car. Gold medal for participation.

Essentially it looked like I took a shotgun blast to the face at close range, but you know, in an overly dramatic fashion. It didn’t help that I was naked at the time so I think it was all about as opposite as sexy as you could get.

My coworker was a gentleman and helped me get cleaned up as best he could with a towel he had in his car, but we had no water or anything liquid so I got dressed and quickly ran into the building we were working in. Of course, the women’s bathroom on the first floor was still locked. Just my luck. It was also almost time for work to start. I almost ran to the elevators. My eye was still burning. I waited and waited. It wasn’t coming. Elevators, am I right?

Finally I ran to the stairs. I heard the elevator ding but it was too late. I committed and ran up the stairs. Of course, being half blind I tripped on the landing and completely ate shit. Full on crash and burn. Skinned my knees and everything. I got up and kept running, making it the second floor. I felt like my eye was getting worse and worse.

It was not supposed to hurt this bad, it was not my first time certainly.

One hallway later I was in the bathroom and quickly washing my eye out with water. It still burned. I looked at myself in the mirror and my eye was bloodshot red. It still hurt like hell. My vision was completely blurry and everything still felt a little sticky in the eye lashes.

It also was time for me to go to work.

I went into the office and immediately got asked what happened by a variety of coworkers. I just said it was an allergic reaction and I got something in my eye. I put sunglasses and continued to go about my business. But my eye just let hurting.

I tried to wash it out a few more times but the pain was still there. Finally, I looked in the mirror again. My eye was now swollen red. It looked like I had been punched.

I went to my supervisor and told her I think I needed to go to urgent care. She was highly suspicious until I lifted my sunglasses and I got a full on “oh my god, yes please go. Are you even able to see?”

My hesitation lead to a coworker giving me a ride asking a lot of questions about what I possibly could have gotten in my eye to cause such a reaction. I felt my cheeks matching my eyes in red coloring.

Finally made it to the urgent care…only for it to be closed. The next closest place was the emergency room and now my eye was unbearable. We went there.

After an hour and a half wait I finally made it in front of a doctor. I had to ask my coworker to step out of the room before telling him I got semen in my eye.

Thank god for professionals. He didn’t bat an eye. He said I most likely just was having an allergic reaction but I hadn’t properly cleaned my eye so the longer it was in there the longer it was going to hurt.

A much better rinse and some eye drops later the pain immediately lessened. I guess the moral of the story is…don’t get sperm in your eye? There are several other great options I would recommend prior to the eye.

Stay safe out there everyone!

TL;DR: I got semen in my eye and had to go to the ER