Skip to main content

TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

Post a Comment

Tifu by microwaving cookie dough

Let me set the scene for this story. It’s 6 am, I am a 24 year old chick, my cats are loose downstairs and my grandmother is sleeping upstairs.

So I like cookie dough. And cookies. Who doesn’t? But I don’t like the oven, it kinda scares me to be honest. I saw the cookie dough in the fridge and I went “huh, I bet I can microwave that! And if it fails oh well I can just eat it raw.” And yes, I know, salmonella don’t eat raw cookie dough. That’s not today’s fuck up. I glanced at the packaging to get an idea of how long to put it in for, and it said, explicitly, DO NOT MICROWAVE COOKIE DOUGH. I scoffed. I shouldn’t have. I popped a chunk of cookie dough (m&m if you were curious) on a plate in the microwave, smooshed it flat and set it for 5 minutes. Maybe if I’d been watching, things would’ve been fine. But no. Me being the intelligent bitch that I am, fucked around on my phone. When I finally glanced up, white smoke was billowing from the microwave. Fuck. I did it Again. I threw open the microwave and the cookie dough was hard as a rock, black like charcoal and even more white smoke was pouring off it. I threw it by the sink and spent the next ten minutes trying to Fam the smoke away from the smoke detector while coughing and wheezing. I FaceTime my sleeping mother and said, “mom I need your help” and got a very sleepy “mmm?” From her. “How do I keep smoke from setting off the smoke detector I burned shit” and the Look she gave me. She advised me to open the back door, which I hadn’t done because of the cats but ya know. There’s a screen door. And just keep fanning it. I spent the next half an hour after that pacing downstairs and trying to fan the smoke away. While I was successful in keeping the smoke detector from going off, I wasn’t able to completely clear out the smoke smell, so I had to round up the cats and just leave the windows open. Through all of this, the worst I suffered was the judgement stares from my cats. The disappointment in their little eyes. 0/10. Do not recommend

Edit; there was actually so much smoke it burned my throat, made me cough and burned my eyes. The cats were (and still are) fine. Other than my wounded pride, I am also fine. I’ve also decided to add more detail to the post because it got more attention than I thought it would and you deserve the best lmao

TLDR; put cookie dough in microwave despite it saying not to, almost started a fire, did Not set off smoke detector.

I wish I’d thought to get a picture of the cookie dough before I broke it up, but here’s a picture of after I broke it off the plate with a knife. https://imgur.com/gallery/WiyKAjH

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by walking into a glass door.

This just happened barely 30 minutes ago. Ended up with a nose bleed and some of the worst nose pain in my life. I can’t even wear glasses without the pressure hurting my nose. So, how did I make the same fuck up a bird would? I put on my sunglasses to leave an appointment and ended up walking nose first into a glass door. Shambling back in shock, I had no damn clue what I had just done. It shocked me so bad that I didn’t comprehend it until I felt liquid drip down my nose. I had turned into the world’s bloodiest leaking faucet. Someone witnessed this in their periphery and asked me if they needed to phone someone. In a panic I basically wailed for them not to, even though I would soon freak out and think I need an ambulance. Someone else came by and ended up giving me paper towels, which quickly looked like I had murdered a mouse with them. My nosebleed soon stopped but not before someone else checked on me. TLDR; fought a glass door and lost. I do not envy the janitorial staff. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by asking my boss why his cock got hard on my leg.

***not a fake post. I’m F 32, He was standing over one of my legs while I was sitting in front of him facing him (spinal adjustment) and he spread my knees with his leg, put his hand on my stomach and then there was a ton of sexual tension and I felt his cock grow into my leg and then start to fill with blood and then twitch on my leg. My boss has been leading me on for two years in subtle ways. Lots of waist pinching, close moments, and “were you good while I was away(s)?” Mostly breadcrumbing himself out to me while his wife (who I also work with) became increasingly hostile towards me. He is someone who has been a mentor to me for ten years. The two of them seem to be having marital problems on and off. The other month, while in close proximity, he started to get hard on my leg and moved when he noticed. A while later, I asked for an open conversation on the attraction between us and what to do about it. It has been distressing me and I had reached my limit. I figured since we’ve...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by going through my girlfriend’s old photos

My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months or so and things have been up and down but I love her a lot and she loves me a lot. We’re both 20 and she’s had a lot more experience sexually than I have and this has always bothered me but besides that we have a pretty good relationship. We’ve talked about our pasts and she’s had some pretty bad experiences that caused her to kind of go off the rails up until we met. She’s all in on me and I’m all in on her and she’s expressed a lot of regret about her past choices and I’ve tried to be as understanding as possible but I’ve always had some insecurity regarding it. Well anyways last night I was on her laptop and saw her photos were linked to it and I stupidly clicked on it and started going through them. Don’t need anyone telling me that it was dumb and an invasion of privacy because I really realize that now and I will never be going through any of her stuff again. Anyways I ended up seeing a lot of shit. Clicked on a folder that...
Post a Comment
Read more