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Tifu by microwaving cookie dough

Let me set the scene for this story. It’s 6 am, I am a 24 year old chick, my cats are loose downstairs and my grandmother is sleeping upstairs.

So I like cookie dough. And cookies. Who doesn’t? But I don’t like the oven, it kinda scares me to be honest. I saw the cookie dough in the fridge and I went “huh, I bet I can microwave that! And if it fails oh well I can just eat it raw.” And yes, I know, salmonella don’t eat raw cookie dough. That’s not today’s fuck up. I glanced at the packaging to get an idea of how long to put it in for, and it said, explicitly, DO NOT MICROWAVE COOKIE DOUGH. I scoffed. I shouldn’t have. I popped a chunk of cookie dough (m&m if you were curious) on a plate in the microwave, smooshed it flat and set it for 5 minutes. Maybe if I’d been watching, things would’ve been fine. But no. Me being the intelligent bitch that I am, fucked around on my phone. When I finally glanced up, white smoke was billowing from the microwave. Fuck. I did it Again. I threw open the microwave and the cookie dough was hard as a rock, black like charcoal and even more white smoke was pouring off it. I threw it by the sink and spent the next ten minutes trying to Fam the smoke away from the smoke detector while coughing and wheezing. I FaceTime my sleeping mother and said, “mom I need your help” and got a very sleepy “mmm?” From her. “How do I keep smoke from setting off the smoke detector I burned shit” and the Look she gave me. She advised me to open the back door, which I hadn’t done because of the cats but ya know. There’s a screen door. And just keep fanning it. I spent the next half an hour after that pacing downstairs and trying to fan the smoke away. While I was successful in keeping the smoke detector from going off, I wasn’t able to completely clear out the smoke smell, so I had to round up the cats and just leave the windows open. Through all of this, the worst I suffered was the judgement stares from my cats. The disappointment in their little eyes. 0/10. Do not recommend

Edit; there was actually so much smoke it burned my throat, made me cough and burned my eyes. The cats were (and still are) fine. Other than my wounded pride, I am also fine. I’ve also decided to add more detail to the post because it got more attention than I thought it would and you deserve the best lmao

TLDR; put cookie dough in microwave despite it saying not to, almost started a fire, did Not set off smoke detector.

I wish I’d thought to get a picture of the cookie dough before I broke it up, but here’s a picture of after I broke it off the plate with a knife. https://imgur.com/gallery/WiyKAjH

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