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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by telling my whole office I shit without washing my hands

Obligatory this-happened-a-few-years-ago but it’s a good story and I thought I would share.

I work at a small office, maybe 12 people total, and we all share one restroom with a few other businesses in a larger office building (there are other bathrooms this one was just the closest). Now the toilet paper had been empty for almost a week, and it was the responsibility of the building manager to replace it. I step out of the office for my morning ritual around 11 am, and when I return I casually address what is essentially my whole team. We have an open desk layout so pretty much everyone can hear me.

“Looks like they finally replaced the toilet paper in the bathroom” says I.

My coworker asks “did they fill up the hand soap too?”

“…”

I hesitated just long enough for everyone to do a collective sigh, and one girl to say “ewww” under her breath. Unrelated, the company went under that same year.

TL;DR I told my whole office I don’t wash my hands after going boom boom

Edit: I am a terrible person.

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