Skip to main content

TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

Post a Comment

TIFU by misunderstanding "virgin" for 10 years

I'm a non-native English speaker, having learned English in college about 10 years ago. This is also where I met my longterm girlfriend. As our relationship progressed, she let me know that she was a virgin. I didn't think much of it, I had only kissed a girl before her. In my native language, we don't really have a well known term for "someone who has never had penetrative sex", but we have a term more commonly used which is more like "never been kissed". So that is what I thought virgin was.

Fast forward 10 years: A few nights ago, my girlfriend and I had a planned poker night with some friends which just turned into playing drinking games. One of the games we were playing had a truth or dare component if you drew a certain card. The questions were almost all truths, and trending towards the raunchier side, and one of the other people ended up asking my girlfriend the last time she gave a blowjob. "Two weeks ago" was her answer. Literally next round, my girlfriend gets truth or dare again, and it is my turn to ask. She picks truth, so going with the blowjob trend, I decided to do some self-aggrandizement and have her impress our friends. I ask her "Who has the biggest dick you've ever sucked?"

Her response: "Uhhh... I guess John C."(a friend from college, who I knew she briefly dated a year before me, but I assumed it was more platonic dating from her saying she was a virgin). My jaw dropped...I know she wouldn't cheat on me, but it just didn't make sense since I knew she was a virgin. I just said "Oh I thought it would be me". To which she said "no he was way bigger but yours is the prettiest dick". The real kicker: As everyone was leaving, I overheard one of the friends there who also knew John C from college talking to my girlfriend and said "I can't believe John C. has a big dick. Never would have guessed it"...and my girlfriend responded "well it was't big it is just average I think". So TIL my girlfriend thinks I have a small penis, and presumably her friend now knows too.

After the party, I asked her about it and we hashed out my misunderstanding of "virgin". I'm not really bothered by it, but I definitely wouldn't have brought up that question in front of friends if I wasn't sure that I was going to be the answer.

​

tl;dr: Thought I was clever asking previously virgin girlfriend about her biggest dick, turns out I'm not so clever and she thinks I'm small

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by walking into a glass door.

This just happened barely 30 minutes ago. Ended up with a nose bleed and some of the worst nose pain in my life. I can’t even wear glasses without the pressure hurting my nose. So, how did I make the same fuck up a bird would? I put on my sunglasses to leave an appointment and ended up walking nose first into a glass door. Shambling back in shock, I had no damn clue what I had just done. It shocked me so bad that I didn’t comprehend it until I felt liquid drip down my nose. I had turned into the world’s bloodiest leaking faucet. Someone witnessed this in their periphery and asked me if they needed to phone someone. In a panic I basically wailed for them not to, even though I would soon freak out and think I need an ambulance. Someone else came by and ended up giving me paper towels, which quickly looked like I had murdered a mouse with them. My nosebleed soon stopped but not before someone else checked on me. TLDR; fought a glass door and lost. I do not envy the janitorial staff. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by asking my boss why his cock got hard on my leg.

***not a fake post. I’m F 32, He was standing over one of my legs while I was sitting in front of him facing him (spinal adjustment) and he spread my knees with his leg, put his hand on my stomach and then there was a ton of sexual tension and I felt his cock grow into my leg and then start to fill with blood and then twitch on my leg. My boss has been leading me on for two years in subtle ways. Lots of waist pinching, close moments, and “were you good while I was away(s)?” Mostly breadcrumbing himself out to me while his wife (who I also work with) became increasingly hostile towards me. He is someone who has been a mentor to me for ten years. The two of them seem to be having marital problems on and off. The other month, while in close proximity, he started to get hard on my leg and moved when he noticed. A while later, I asked for an open conversation on the attraction between us and what to do about it. It has been distressing me and I had reached my limit. I figured since we’ve...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by going through my girlfriend’s old photos

My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months or so and things have been up and down but I love her a lot and she loves me a lot. We’re both 20 and she’s had a lot more experience sexually than I have and this has always bothered me but besides that we have a pretty good relationship. We’ve talked about our pasts and she’s had some pretty bad experiences that caused her to kind of go off the rails up until we met. She’s all in on me and I’m all in on her and she’s expressed a lot of regret about her past choices and I’ve tried to be as understanding as possible but I’ve always had some insecurity regarding it. Well anyways last night I was on her laptop and saw her photos were linked to it and I stupidly clicked on it and started going through them. Don’t need anyone telling me that it was dumb and an invasion of privacy because I really realize that now and I will never be going through any of her stuff again. Anyways I ended up seeing a lot of shit. Clicked on a folder that...
Post a Comment
Read more