TIFU by forgetting what I had in my carry on

Okay so this didn’t happen today. This happened in 2019. Right before covid hit. I was in a long distance relationship with a guy who lived in New York. I would often fly back and fourth between home and visiting him. One time when I went down to see him he told me he had a surprise for me. We were going to Poconos, PA to spend a weekend in the “fuck palace” as Pete Davidson calls it. one of those romance resorts they have. Complete with the heart shaped tub and star lit ceiling. I brought lots of toys knowing we were basically just going to fuck the entire weekend. I was correct, and we had a great time. When it came time to checkout I was in a rush trying to pack everything. So I just threw everything in my bag and tossed some stuff into my backpack figuring I would organize it better before I caught my flight home that evening.

By the time we made it back to New York it was basically time for me to head to the airport. So I grabbed all of my things and we hustled to LaGuardia. We said goodbye and I checked my bag and went to head through security. As I was going through. This old male TSA agent tells me that he can see something in my bag that looks like a liquid. I can go to a private room to have my bag gone through or we can do it at a table close by. My dumbass thinks, there’s nothing illegal in my bag, maybe it’s makeup or a bottle of water. Let’s just do it here in front of the other 200 people going through security. I don’t wanna miss my flight home. So he digs deep into my backpack and pulls out a freezer bag full of toys. A few dildos, but plugs, lingerie, and of course, the culprit. A large bottle of lube. I immediately become beat red. He pulls out the lube and just stares at me. I nervously stare back, eyes wide, I can feel the heat in my face as I become red as a tomato. I say “yeah that must be what set the alarm off, you can throw it out. Sorry about that I forgot it was in there” thinking about how I just want this moment to be over. People are watching this all go down and chuckling to themselves as they walk by us. But old TSA agent isn’t done yet. He wants to go through every toy in the freezer bag. Fml. He pulls out the first large purple dildo, HOLDS IT UP TO THE LIGHT AND ROTATES IT 360 DEGREES. All while saying nothing to me. The silence is killing me. Now even the people in the back of the line are definitely becoming curious as to what’s going on. It’s safe to say we have everyone’s attention. I don’t even know what to do, I just look at him and say “that’s a dildo…” we continue this process with ALL OF THE TOYS. I literally could of died of embarrassment, this was the longest 10 minutes of my life. Finally, he puts all the toys back in the bag and tells me I can continue on. I shove those toys back in my backpack and speed walk my ass out of there. This was probably the most awkward and embarrassing experience of my life. Definitely my most memorable fuck up. Don’t be dumb and make the same mistake I did. Never put liquids in your carry on, especially not a bottle of lube.

TL;DR I forgot a bag of lube and sex toys in my carry on and the TSA agent held them up in the air and showed everyone waiting to go through security instead of being discreet.