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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by dropping Compound W Plantar’s Wart Remover on my genitals

I have a plantar’s wart on my foot and I have been trying to treat it with Compound W Maximum Strength (30% salicylic acid).

So, I’m sitting in bed (I sleep in the nude), and start putting this potent stuff on my foot. I stick my leg up to show my girlfriend next to me: “This stuff is crazy; it’s gonna turn white in like 10 seconds, then its going to start bubbling and get really sticky and bond to the skin, then it’ll puff up a bit and turn super white”.

When I go to bring my leg back under me, I drop the entire open bottle of compound w right onto my testicules, inner thigh and some on my penis. I instantly jump up off the bed and sprint straight to the shower - I’m screaming “fuck, fuck , fuck, fuck” cause I know this is going to hurt like death, and who the hell knows what will happen down there; after all, this stuff is made to acid-burn warts and remove outer layers of skin. I proceed to turn the shower on as quickly as possible, my girlfriend following me running. I am not exaggerating when I say I am in the most excruciating pain of my life - screaming, breathing erratically and can barely speak. Im scrubbing frantically and water is not doing the trick - it’s making the chemical sort of sticky and clumpy. It is not coming off and I am freaking out about putting anything other than water with fear that it will make things worse (i could hear years of people saying dont mix unknown chemicals together; you never know what it will do). All my focus in on the balls - this is where I dropped most of the chemical, and the pain is indescribable. Genuinely feels like my two balls, without scrotum, are being held in a roaring bonfire. But I have to do something because im in excruciating pain, sweating like mad, can’t nt control my breathing and on the verge passing out. My hero (girlfriend) run’s over some dish soap and I proceed to lather and scrub like it was the first and last shower of my life. At this point im sitting ass-naked on the floor of my shower, with my glasses on, and about half a bottle of dish soap on my junk, with the shower stream basically waterboarding me.

Thankfully, this seemed to help, and i am now (30 minutes later), laying in bed with some aloe vera on my red sack typing out this story. Hopefully I dont wake up with lizard balls or something.

TL:DR I dropped some Compound W Maximum Strength plantar’s wart remover on my balls, thigh and penis. Chaos, pain and shame followed closely.

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