Skip to main content

TIFUpate: allowing my coworker to set me up

TIFU by eating multiple yellow dragon fruits on a day that guests were coming over

There was this new fruit store that opened near my house. I found myself inside of it and the people inside convinced me to buy some yellow dragon fruits. They said if someone doesn’t buy these today we’re going to throw them away because they’re going to be over-ripe. So I decided to be adventurous and buy them. Little did I know what would happen next. I get home and forget about them for a bit. It’s about 3:00 pm now, however I want some food I make dinner and decided to try the dragon fruit for dessert. I cut one open get a spoon “delicious, amazing” I think to myself. I watch some videos whilst eating, and within 10-20 mins both dragon fruits are gone. I don’t even remember eating the second one. However, my stomach does.

Within the next hour, I am on the toilet and can’t get off my stomach is churning and I feel nothing and everything at the same time. It sounds like running water. I have no idea how long I was on the toilet but it was 3 am before I knew it. I try to fall asleep on the toilet but can’t, I can’t I’m in so much pain I can’t even feel my legs at this point because of how little circulation has been in my legs. I try to get up and take medicine for “hardening it” but the minute I stand up a mudslide happens. I don’t know what to do I can’t clean it up. I am toilet-bound. I am in hell.

Now, the gates to hell eventually close, but now I have a different problem. I have guests coming over and there’s mud stains all over my house from me running all over my house trying to find medicine. I have to get the barely working stain-cleaner out and that thing does nothing. I use some sort of dog accident cleaner. Nothing works. I have no clue what to do, I call my mom luckily she comes over and cleans the mess. The mess is still able to be seen but it just looks like chocolate pudding. Let’s just say I kept the guests out of half of the house.

TL;DR, I ate 2 yellow dragon fruit made a mud storm and couldn’t clean it up and had to call my mom because guests were coming over.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU almost so bad by not unlogging from this Reddit account

I use this Reddit account to mod r/hearhimfuck , watch my porn and answer NSFWAMA when I feel like it. I religiously log off completely after every time because I don't want my partner or anyone knowing about this account. It's the holidays and we are all busy so I had a quick session with myself and ran to get a shower and leave for another family Christmas dinner. My phone stayed in my purse the whole evening. By the end there's 6 of us left and we're sitting in the living room, having mellow conversation. Pets are discussed and photos shown. Someone asks about my dogs so I go fetch my phone and sit back on the couch. As soon as I unlock it, there's a full blown ANAL clip playing. Fortunately, the sound was off. I manage to turn the sound all the way down and shut the app without anyone seeing. TLDR; Iwas THIS close from having hardcore porn blasting surrounded by my parents, my partner, an aunt and a two cousins. I can't imagine the aftermath of what could...

TIFU by fucking my coworker

Happened a couple of days ago, but yeah, as the title says... Oops... We've worked together for about a year now; we've always been friendly, but I never really clocked her as a potential romantic option; she's my coworker, she had a boyfriend when we started working together, and to be honest I just thought she was completely out of my league: I'm a schlub and she is gorgeous So when she texts me asking if we want to hang out after work, I genuinely thought nothing untoward would happen; I thought we were just going to chill and watch cartoons; and for a while we were just having a nice platonic hangout. But we got very drunk, and eventually she was giving me the bedroom eyes and saying we should make out. I very emphatically said that was a bad idea, but she kissed me anyway, and at that point I really lost any semblance of self-restraint.. I am not proud of myself, at all. I can tell myself that she came onto me, but ultimately I also comepletly let it happen. No...

TIFU by shopping on Amazon

So I have an Amazon account, and a family. Anyhow, the person I'm seeing likes to do things with me... try new things if you know what I mean 😏 Recently I've ordered a few packages with adult toys, swing, etc. And... clone a willy. It came in yesterday while I was out. While I was out I got a notification that the cloning kit came in. I sent my son a text asking him to bring my Amazon package in. He said he had already. I didn't think much of it. Until last night when I went to go... use it. I asked my son where the package was on my way out the door. He asked "The plant stand or the cloning kit?". Mind you, the boxes DO NOT say what the contents are, nor were they opened. He must have realized what he said because my face is a goddam story book. I just stood there silent and shocked. He pointed towards the closet. This has been going on for ages, but he has NEVER indicated knowing what's in the packages. So now my teenage son knows his mom is a freak. ...