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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by explaining a tampon to my 5YO daughter

Today. Wife having terrible period, yells from downstairs toilet “get me a tampon!”.

I’m upstairs, grab one, see my daughter, think I can outsource this.

Me: “honey can you go give this to mommy?” Her:”what is this?” Me:”its a tampon for mommy” Her:”why?” Me:”its for her period to stop the bleeding” Her, alarmed:”she’s bleeding?! Where?” Me, idiot:”oh its ok she’s just bleeding from her vagina, its normal, her period, one day you’ll have it too” Wife, screaming from downstairs:”i need the tampon its bad this time!!” Daughter, instant bawling:”oh my gaaawwd Mommy’s bleeding from her vagina! Aaaahhh call the police please daddy make her vagina stop bleeding I don’t want her to die! I don’t want my vagina to bleed! I don’t want to die!”

Been 20 minutes, daughter still sobbing at thought of death by period. Only just got my wife the damn tampon.

Great.

TL;DR: told my 5yo daughter a tampon was for bleeding vaginas.

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