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TIFU by frequenting an independent escort

So this is going to be long and hopefully allowed here, using a throwaway for protection, and actually happened a way back.

Around 2 years ago, after the first pandemic wave, during the summer where restrictions were relaxed, I went to visit an escort. No one in my family or friend circle knows to this day. It is so out of character and I would never be able to explain/understand people would be unhappy with me. She was an independent girl listed also with a partner, who knew etc. I thought I tried to pick really carefully, avoiding trafficking/coercion.

I had only had 1 previous relationship, and had turned a corner in my life pre-covid which tipped everything upside down for most.

Feeling particularly lonely after that lockdown and rules still preventing large gatherings I figured it was sensible to just alleviate the loneliness through this method. Largely safe due to only 1-on-1 contact, symptom checking for safety.

Had the experience, it was fine even if I was a little nervous. No alarms, nothing wrong. In truth this is still a FU at this point, I’m quite emotionally sensitive if that’s the right way of putting it? My brain didn’t really like the idea of paying/not knowing the background of it.

I chalked it up to first time nerves, and around 8 weeks later rebooked to see her again. It rolls round to the appointment time, I message and no answer. I figure I’ll ring the doorbell and nothing. I leave before it looks too suspicious and chalk it up to bad luck.

Later in the day I get a message profusely apologising and explaining a family emergency, asking to rebook and saying sorry. I thinking with both heads, agree to rebook.

I show up it all goes fine, but for a bit of discolouration in one eye for her, which she puts down to a contact lens issue, and the emergency being an accident with one of her kids.

Something in my gut didn’t sit right, but I still went through with it anyway. This feels like the main FU. I sensed something was wrong but decided to let my naivety rule the rest of me. This is the last time I saw and will ever see a sex worker, I pretty much left it open in my mind but knew I wouldn’t be going back to anyone.

Fast forward a 6 months, maybe 9, I see a story in the news about a domestic abuse court case where a woman was forced into sex work by her partner. In the road where I had visited. And upon reading I knew it was the same girl.

This is the FU. I never wanted to allow this and my worst fears had come true. As I said before I feel I have always been sensitive/caring towards others, and I let myself get into this situation.

Now knowing what she must have been going through, with both her and her kids threatened, whilst being forced to sleep with strangers, I just can’t get rid of the guilt and it never seems to leave my mind.

Every so often she pops up on a social media site with a single mutual friend. The guilt is eating me up and I want to apologise but I know that is probably the worst thing I could do, as the last thing she would need is a reminder.

It’s almost an off my chest as much as a TIFU, or even a Life Pro Tip I guess, in that you should never see a sex worker, if you won’t be comfortable with the possibility of trafficking, abuse or coercion.

TL;DR Slept with a sex worker. Found after the fact she was abused/coerced by a partner and have felt guilt ever since.

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