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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by going to a hooters without checking the menu...

This quite literally just happened. I have been exhibiting symptoms similar to lactose intolerance for a while. After having anything dairy I have extreme pain and other fun toilet related activity. I have been scanned for anything else but all scans show normal. Lactase enzyme helps immensely so I feel its safe to assume that I have some sort of issue with dairy.

1st mistake: I didn't stock up enough on lactase. Despite being close to a store I didn't even think to restock. Last night, I ran out.

2nd mistake (the main dish): Saying yes to a hooters trip without checking the menu. Like an oxygen deficient salmon I said yes because (despite being on testosterone) I was having severe menstrual cramps and didn't feel like cooking so I seized the chance to eat out. Low and behold, here i sit in a hooters, and I have no idea what's in what. Are the wings battered in buttermilk? Is there anything that I can eat without sentencing myself to a double whammy of both cramps and dairy induced hell? I have not only screwed myself over though, as this was a get together. And now its a tense atmosphere. I got pressured into ordering fries, but they can tell I don't like them (autism's a [female dog] in the culinary world. I'm extremely sensitive to textures and the mushy bland inside of fries aren't very... Enjoyable.) I'm eating as much as i can to break the atmosphere, but holy crap I f*cked this up. All I had to do was stay home or stop by a store on my way.

Apologies for any creative phrases that make this post appear like its a joke. My way of dealing with stuff is absolutely bizarre and I'm trying to change for future conversation.

TL;DR: might be lactose intolerant (NOT CONFIRMED BUT SUSPECTED). didn't stock up on lactase enzyme. Went to hooters with family. Didn't check the menu at all. Couldn't order anything so they had me get fries. I don't like fries but its what i deserve for being the human equivalent of a backwards air conditioner

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