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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by cumming in the sink instead of sinking in the cum

The story starts at a party at my parents’ house. My friends and I are chilling, getting drunk, and smoking weed. All is calm until one of my friends starts retching. We walk him to the bathroom but he doesn’t make it to the toilet and ends up puking in the sink. No big deal, we thought, after spending like 10 minutes cleaning the sink everything seems to be fine. Weeks passed and I’d all but forgotten about this incident. When this took place I lived in a rather hot country, so instead of jerking off in the bathroom (which would get incredibly hot), I’d do it on my bed and wash the splooge off of my hands in the sink. I’d keep doing this for a couple months until I went on a vacation with my family for a week. When I got back, my bathroom emanated this unholy stench that I could not locate the source of. I didn’t think too much of it and used a lot of air freshener and moved on. I also noticed that my sink wasn’t draining properly, and any water in it would take a couple minutes to go down the drain (how I hadn’t connected the dots by this point is beyond me). I asked my mother to call a plumber to fix my sink. The next day the plumber shows up and I show him to my sink and that’s when shit truly hit the fan. He opened up the pipe and it immediately started oozing this toxic mixture of puke, cum and maggots. At this point the stench was so harsh I was about to pass out. Plumber man couldn’t hold it in and threw up in the toilet. I thought that this was the end, that plumber man and I were done for but no, my hero, my knight in shining armour Mr. Plumber man manages to get everything out of the pipe and flushed it down the toilet, his eyes watering and throat retching. The stench finally began to die down. It was all over. I tipped him with everything I had in my wallet. That plumber had been coming to our house for ages but I never saw him again. Godspeed Mr. plumber man. So now that the story is over what have we learned, I for one believe the main takeaway is that if someone asks the question, “would you rather cum in the sink or sink in the cum?” You should confidently respond with “sink in the cum”.

TL;DR i unintentionally created a biohazard in my sink’s pipe and nearly killed myself and a plumber because of it.

Edit: TL;DR (again). Stinky semen sink. Credit goes to u/zarkdiaz for coming up with this one

Edit 2: I know drain cleaner exists, the pipe was one of those shitty plastic ones and if I used drain cleaner the pipe could’ve melted and I did not want to take any chances.

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