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TIFU by asking my boyfriend what his kinks are

So the title is pretty self explanatory. Last night I (18f) was staying over at my boyfriend’s apartment (20M). We go to college together and have been dating for over a year and a half.

I would like to preface this by saying he is the best man I have ever met in my life. He has been head over heels for me since the day we met and has never once judged me for any of my past or flaws. He is fully intending on proposing to me once we graduate college and start our careers. He is very kind, gentle, intelligent, and introverted.

Back to last night, of course during this relationship we have been intimate on many many occasions. Previous to this situation, I would have described him as being the vanilla one in our relationship. I have always had a much higher drive than him as well as liking things that are a bit more kinky than what he is usually comfortable with (ex. bondage, cnc, intimate toys, etc.).

However, last night while we were in bed together I felt like pestering him with questions. Things like “what fruit would you describe me as” and other silly things like that. But a few days prior I had seen a reddit post talking about how most men have a secret hidden fantasy or kink they would never admit to anyone. So I asked him if he has a kink that he has never told me about. I promised that I would hold absolutely no judgment against him at all, that I was just curious.

Honestly, I was expecting something mildly weird like food play, foot fetish, even a piss kink. But after a moment of hesitating, he told me has a r*pe kink. I took a second then asked him what that meant as I like cnc and I thought maybe that’s what he meant.

Unfortunately, this was not the case. He said he has thought about basically r*ping me a few times throughout our relationship. Like during arguments or when I’ve decline his advances. He told me that it’s only been a random thought, but he would never ever act on it as that’s not who he is and wants me to feel safe and pleasured too. He felt horrible every time he thought about it, so he never told me.

I responded nonchalantly as I told him I would, but I felt really uncomfortable. I know he would never do anything to me, but it’s been in the back of my mind all morning and now. Now I regret asking anything in the first place, because I’m scared I am always going to be wondering if he wants to do that to me in arguments and when we are intimate.

TL;DR TIFU by asking my bf for his kinks. After he told me it was a r*pe kink, I’m scared it’s going to affect how I think of him.

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