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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by breaking up with my boyfriend

It was actually a couple weeks ago now. me (20F) and lets call him J (20M) , were together for almost 6 months, only ever had one small argument, and overall was a really happy healthy relationship. However a couple months in I started taking the pill and it really messed with my mind, I lost who I was and looking in a mirror I just saw a shell of me looking back. I tried to find myself and just couldn't. I stopped taking it in doctor orders due to other medical problems to do with my periods and I slumped into a depressive episode. I thought I lost my feelings and fallen out of love with J but I see now I hadn't and I was just so emotionally numb I just couldn't feel the love I held for him. He is the man of my dreams and I'm scared to say anything to him because I don't think he'll want to listen or want me back, he wanted to remain friends which I said yes to but I've been giving him time and space and don't want to hurt him further as he has the biggest kindest soul and deserves the world. I broke his heart and I can never fix that and I feel utterly awful for hurting him.

TL;DR - I broke up with my boyfriend in a depressive episode after coming off the pill. I wish I could have him back but I don't think he will take me back

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