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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by doing sex

A little background: I (25M) have a girlfriend (23F) who I have sex with sometimes. That's right, and it feels really really good on my penis. Sometimes when it happens, my penis makes white pee and I pull my penis out of her vagina (that I get to stick my penis in) and make the white pee on her boobies.

Anyway, the other day, we were having sex ;) when suddenly something happened that made her pee (go number one) during sex! It smelled bad! But then, I stuck my wiener in her butthole and poop came out and she had big sticky diarrhea all over my bedsheets and it stank to high heaven. I started throwing up and then she started throwing up and the throw up got all over the pee and poop and I couldn't finish doing sex and I didn't make the white pee.

TL;DR: My girlfriend whom I was having sex with did number one and number two.

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