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TIFU by applying to the school of my dreams 15min after the deadline.

Hello! I fucked up bad and I'm feeling pretty dumb right now, I didn't sleep all night after what I just did. To give a bit of a context, I(20 F) am studying in animation, and I've been in this really good school for 3 and half years. I had the option to keep going and apply for the Master of this same school and that's what most of my classmates are doing, but I felt the need to go somewhere else, expand my horizons, meet new people and learn new things to get a clearer idea of what I want in my life. Also, this school is super expensive, and I would have felt bad to make my parents pay for something I wasn't even motivated enough for. So I decided to take the bet to not apply and go to another school, which is a radical decision I am not used to.

I found a school that turned out to be exactly what I was looking for. Small, cheap, with very strong values about art, scriptwriting and teamwork. This school is very difficult to get in, as it only welcomes 10 students max per year. But this made me even more motivated as it felt like they really value the applicants for their personality and creative vision. It seemed to me like a fantastic human experience to live for the next two years.

I applied, paid the fee of inscription and started preparing my portfolio, which was due on 26th of March, midnight. No files will be treated after midnight, as it said on the information sheet. It was tough to prepare a portfolio completely different from what I was used to do in school, especially since I didn't have much time and energy. But my father helped me with a lot of support, advice, especially for the motivation letter which was the main focus of the portfolio.

Now. Yesterday was the last day before the deadline, and I was sure I was doing good, taking the time to really polish my portfolio. Yet, at 11pm, 1h before the deadline, I started overthinking, having doubts over the quality and quantity of my work. At 11:30, I finally pushed myself to submit my portfolio, thinking it was over. The files were loading... And then fate decided to play a trick on me. My internet suddenly stopped working. I tried everything, using my phone as an internet source for my computer, but everything was down, I couldn't even send messages to my friends. In a panick, I tried to restart my phone, in hopes the problem would be gone...and thats when my phone decided it would be a good time to get an update. So picture me at 11:50, losing my mind over a small loading screen, crying my eyes out, to finally start the upload of the files at 11:56...only to find out the connexion was still super super slow. What should have been a 1-2 minutes upload turned out to last 20minutes. My files were eventually sent at 00:15 am, so 15minutes after the deadline. I spent the rest of the night crying, twisting my head over what happened with fatigue and migraine making it worse it felt like the longest night of my life.

All the work done for months for this school just flew away in the wind because of an internet problem. Actually, no, I understand I caused that problem for not uploading it earlier. All of this happened because i didnt trust myself with what I already had. But now that my hopes of even just being considered as a candidate by this school are very, very low...it's really, really hard not to hate myself. It feels like I just got stuck in an alternate time-line where I'm not supposed to be. I also feel like I've let down my parents, who supported me so much during this time, and now, it feels like I messed up everything, in a matter of minutes. I don't know how to move on from that. I would have much preferred applying and not being taken than not even being able to apply. I don't know what to say to my friends, I just feel so dumb.. :(

I know that in the great scheme of Life, this is meaningless, and the consequences are minimal compared to life and death situations. But it meant a lot to me and I feel like I've just betrayed and sabotaged myself from a part of my life, with no turning back.

TL;DR : TIFU by applying to the school of my dreams. While my files were uploading on their website , internet went down. I didn't make it to the deadline by 15 minutes.

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