TIFU By getting sober and deciding to go to a bar

For ten years I was a heroin addict. Several times when I tried to get clean, I would drink alcohol and I would always go back to drugs. This time, I decided to get totally clean from everything and really give it a shot. I got out of detox and started going to AA meetings.

After being in AA for about 2 months I started making some friends that were in the AA meetings with me. We were all pretty young and kind of still wanted to live the fun party life while at the same time, retaining our sobriety. So - we all decide to go out to a bar.

There I was, 60 days clean, in a bar with 200 people and riddled with an amount of anxiety that I would not wish on my worst enemy. My buddy and I started talking to a couple girls and I got the bright idea that I should go get them a couple drinks. I figured, hey that's what you do at a bar, right? Get a drink for a girl? As I walk back from the bar with two vodka sprites, I approach our newfound lady friends.

​

"Hey I got a couple drinks for you guys! Here ya go!"

As I hand them to the girls they take the drinks and sort of look at each other uncomfortably.

"uhhhh, we don't take drinks from random people? why don't you take them instead"

I started feeling myself break out into a cold sweat.

" oh no, I'm good. I am actually not drinking tonight, but don't worry, theres no drugs in them or anything, i swear!"

This was possibly the stupidest/ most non reassuring thing I could have said at the moment. It did not occur to me that I simply should have said that I was sober and didn't drink. The girls again, looked at me sideways.

"Ummm okay? well at the very least take a sip of them so that you can prove to us that theres no drugs in them" she said as she puts the drinks back in my hands

I start to panic

"uhhh uhhhh??" I say and look around the bar. At this exact moment my buddy walks over and sees me with two drinks in my hand. He had told me that the way to go at a bar when youre sober is to hold a sprite or coke in your hand, so he walks over and grabs a drink and is about to take a sip.

As he does this I set the other drink I had in my hand down and scream "NOOOOOO!!!!" and knock the drink out of his hand on the floor, as to not let him accidentally relapse on a sip of alcohol.

Our two newfound lady friends gasped and jumped back with a wide eyed look of horror I have never seen before in my life. They are at this point POSITIVE I had tried to drug them and just prevented my friend from ingesting said drugs.

​

They sprinted out of the bar and into the darkness like two young ladies escaping their certain death.

​

I think about this story now and laugh (a little over 2 years sober now). However, I remember going home that night and saying to myself. GOD am I going to be this awkward forever? Is THIS my life now?

​

​

TL;DR Made girls think I was preventing them from being drugged at a bar. Am a serial killer in warning stories that said girls surely tell their friends.

Spoiler alert: I am. and YES, it is!