Skip to main content

TIFU by macing myself with febreze

I had been enjoying a glorious nap on my couch when I was suddenly awakened by my angry wife. She had asked me multiple times to clean the cats litter box before I had sat down and drifted off to lala land. Understandable, I am a master procrastinator. Bleary eyed, I shuffle over to the Kitty's throne and start panning for nuggets.

Another one of my positive traits, I am notoriously cheap. I'm the guy wandering around the grocery store with a calculator finding the gram unit price of a $.50 can of beans. As such, we are currently trying to make our way through 50 pounds of unscented, non clumping cat litter. I will admit that was a mistake. It's fucking disgusting.

I'm done my chore and stand up to return to my slumber, when my wife reminds me to spray. Disturbing the cursed litter has released all its wonderful aromas and we do battle with them with a bottle of febreze. Lavender scented. I give the box a quick misting and then pause for a second. I decide the air directly above the box could use a little bedazzling so I let er rip.

Now we live in a fairly small place and due to space constraints, the litter box is located directly below an AC unit. Not the best location choice but it definitely reminds us to keep the box clean... Said AC unit was currently running full blast as I decided to spray a healthy amount of floral riot control directly into the jet stream blowing at my face. It took me a second to realize the extent of my stupidity as I felt each droplet collide with my eyeballs.

As the pain set in I started screaming, the pitch and volume increasing with the level of violence in my eyeballs. The cat, who usually watches me clean and then takes a fat dump as soon as I'm finished, skittered out of the room and down the hall, knocking the vacuum cleaner over on her way out. I made my way to the kitchen with what vision I had left and immediately stuck my face under the tap to wash the misery out. Well, the wife had just finished doing dishes with that ungodly hot water that only women seem to be able to withstand, so I got a full water line worth of that before the cool, non-molten water hit my eyes. Sweet, sweet release.

I am currently back on the couch, finally, while looking like I just came out of snoop Dogg's green room. Life choices are being reviewed, and the bag of cat litter is upside down in the garbage can.

TL;DR: I'm a cheap fuck who didn't buy scented litter, so I basically sprayed chemical smell good directly into my eyes trying to cover up the smell of cat shit

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by forgetting my purse and attempting to get fuel

Not the craziest story but hey. I'm obligated to say this was a few months ago but I cringe every time I go past the petrol station . My petrol was getting low, not dangerously so but it said 27 miles left, (oftentimes it then suddenly drops to about 16 for example, and then 5 and then 0 very fast) I didnt have my purse on me as I just didn't need it... Picked my daughter up from school and then went on to collect my 2 stepdaughters from across town and then set off for home. En route the gauge went to 7 and then suddenly it was 1 so I stopped at the petrol station near our house. The petrol was on 0 as i pulled up to the pump and that's when I realised I had no money. I left the kids in the car at the pump and went in to talk to the cashier, it wasn't mega busy but there was a queue, I'd heard that they can help you if you can't pay for fuel. Like keeping something of yours as security. It was an elderly man and he basically refused to help. At this point i...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more