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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by macing myself with febreze

I had been enjoying a glorious nap on my couch when I was suddenly awakened by my angry wife. She had asked me multiple times to clean the cats litter box before I had sat down and drifted off to lala land. Understandable, I am a master procrastinator. Bleary eyed, I shuffle over to the Kitty's throne and start panning for nuggets.

Another one of my positive traits, I am notoriously cheap. I'm the guy wandering around the grocery store with a calculator finding the gram unit price of a $.50 can of beans. As such, we are currently trying to make our way through 50 pounds of unscented, non clumping cat litter. I will admit that was a mistake. It's fucking disgusting.

I'm done my chore and stand up to return to my slumber, when my wife reminds me to spray. Disturbing the cursed litter has released all its wonderful aromas and we do battle with them with a bottle of febreze. Lavender scented. I give the box a quick misting and then pause for a second. I decide the air directly above the box could use a little bedazzling so I let er rip.

Now we live in a fairly small place and due to space constraints, the litter box is located directly below an AC unit. Not the best location choice but it definitely reminds us to keep the box clean... Said AC unit was currently running full blast as I decided to spray a healthy amount of floral riot control directly into the jet stream blowing at my face. It took me a second to realize the extent of my stupidity as I felt each droplet collide with my eyeballs.

As the pain set in I started screaming, the pitch and volume increasing with the level of violence in my eyeballs. The cat, who usually watches me clean and then takes a fat dump as soon as I'm finished, skittered out of the room and down the hall, knocking the vacuum cleaner over on her way out. I made my way to the kitchen with what vision I had left and immediately stuck my face under the tap to wash the misery out. Well, the wife had just finished doing dishes with that ungodly hot water that only women seem to be able to withstand, so I got a full water line worth of that before the cool, non-molten water hit my eyes. Sweet, sweet release.

I am currently back on the couch, finally, while looking like I just came out of snoop Dogg's green room. Life choices are being reviewed, and the bag of cat litter is upside down in the garbage can.

TL;DR: I'm a cheap fuck who didn't buy scented litter, so I basically sprayed chemical smell good directly into my eyes trying to cover up the smell of cat shit

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