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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by making a squirting joke to my MIL

NSFW because the squirt đź’¦

Obligatory “this was not today” disclaimer.

A few years ago my MIL invited me to go with her and her friends to one of their daughter’s plays that happened to be in my town. I hadn’t spent much 1:1 time with her, but always have enjoyed her company, so took up the offer for a night out.

She buys the tickets and sets a dinner plan up - all is well. She informs me that the play is The Vagina Monologues & I’m immediately thinking “this may be awkward.” Whatever, we’re all adults. Let’s do this.

When we get to the show it’s open seating & we are trying to select a spot. Her friend suggests the front row & I blurt out “nah, wouldn’t want to be in the splash zone, would we?” and ya could have heard a pin drop. I felt my face go red and immediately realized how awkward what I said was to these 50 year old women I didn’t know well.

No one responds & a different section is casually selected by my MIL. The icing on the cake was the end where the cast encourages you to reclaim the word “cunt” by chanting it with the group. My row was silent.

Still have years old embarrassment about this, but thought others may also find amusement in it.

TL;DR I saw The Vagina Monologues with my MIL and suggested we avoided front row seating so we weren’t in “the splash zone”

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