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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by eating out my gf so hard it sent me to the ER

So this Friday evening my girlfriend and I were having a great night! We were in the middle of having sex and I was allll the way downtown and determined to make her cum. I suddenly felt a teeny tiny snap or crack in my jaw and thought absolutely nothing of it. there was barely any pain. I didnt even consider it worth mentioning at the time. When we finished, we went to bed excited for the rest of the weekend.

Saturday was also fine for the most part, we did a bunch of shopping in preparation for a camping trip this upcoming Wednesday. I needed comfy shoes for walking around on mud and rocks so I purchased some bright orange crocs and joked that wearing them is effectively an advertisement that I was taken. We had ramen for lunch.

Maybe I didnt notice any pain during lunch because I had soup, but when I got home and had a solid snack I suddenly felt intense pain on the left side of my face. I could no longer bite down on my back teeth either. I told my gf that I first felt something the other night and she half-jokingly apologized and said it was probably worth it.

the pain remained on Sunday but I had to work. it mostly hurt while I was eating, so talking all day wasnt too bad. i managed to slowly eat a banana for breakfast by mushing it against the roof of my mouth with my tongue. I had a beer for dinner.

Today is Monday and it's getting progressively worse. I was scrambling all day to see a doctor at various walk in clinics but ultimately managed to get a last minute appointment with my family doctor. His diagnosis is that it's probably swelling around my TMJ and that it's unlikely that my jaw is dislocated, so he prescribed some painkillers and set me up for scans throughout the week. he also unnecessarily thanked me for sharing why I think this happened 4 times, tried to mime out what a jaw looks like when it's all over a pussy for his own benefit, and then reassured me the office wasnt being recorded.

when I got home and ate some pho, I realized the pain was continuing to creep up despite the painkillers. so im sitting 2+ hours in the ER now and not going home unless a doctor fixes my jaw or confidently breaks the news that I need to be on a liquid diet for the next couple weeks.

my gf is talking to her friends and theyre already saying that if i die, at least i died doing what i loved. they are calling me a hero. my camping trip is likely cancelled :( .

TL;DR ate puss too hard, jaw felt destroyed next evening. now im bored and waiting in the ER. my gf is with me to keep me entertained in a sfw kind of way.

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