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I have been in love with this woman since we were 12 years old, we're 37 now, weve been married, had 2 kids, split and eventually divorced. I initiated the split, essentially due to untreated, poor mental health on both our parts. If I hadn't, one of us would've ended up dead. We've both since agreed that it was the right thing to do. The problem is that I never stopped loving her, but I did close that part of me off for a very long time or we would've ended up back where we used to be.
In the 5 years since we've split, we've both grown individually, sorted out mental health, careers, everything.
Here comes the fuck up. A week ago we were drunk and slept together. It was amazing. The chemistry was still there and everything felt right. Again, the following night, while sober we did it again. This stirrred up all my feelings for her, in a big way.
It was good tho, and we seemed good together, I thought this meant we were in a good position and had similar feelings for each other. So I told her how I feel. Needless to say, it wasn't reciprocated. It scared her. We talked, drank and then slept together again. Unfortunately tho, she just wanted something casual with someone she trusts, but I wasn't capable of that. We have too much history and there's too many feelings there for me.
So now I'm left feeling heartbroken, stupid for allowing myself to feel again and like the pathetic ex that can't let go.
I hate myself
TL;DR got drunk, slept with ex wife who I'm still deeply in love with a few times, told her, it wasn't reciprocated and now I'm left feeling heartbroken and pathetic
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