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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by getting caught losing my virginity by my manager

Throwaway obviously. This did not happen today but several years ago in high school. As I’m typing this I notice the title sounds like a video I’ve viewed a time or two and it made me chuckle so I’m keeping it lol.

I dated this girl for roughly 2 years on and off in highschool and we were abstinent for a large part of that. We had planned a way that we both wanted to lose our virginity several months in advance, it was going to be romantic. Her parents would be out of town on a rather rare occasion that didn’t happen often. We’d get home from school, watch a movie or two and cook some pizza rolls. Then after our gourmet dinner, head back to her room and do that deed. I had my shift covered at work, it was the perfect plan. Until it wasn’t..

I worked the worst possible first job, with long hours, short breaks and terrible managers. They refused to schedule 1 or 2 more people just in case someone couldn’t make their shift. They also refused to cover any shifts that had been dropped. Which I understand but then it’s just inconvenient to have to almost be on call just in case someone dropped your shift they told you they’d cover or someone got sick and you got randomly selected to go in because they wouldn’t schedule an extra person just in case. So anyways, the person who had my shift covered got sick so I had to go in to work the day of our planned festivities. Fine whatever we’ll just plan for another day.

Until I had the most brilliant, diabolical idea I may have ever come up with. Why don’t we just do it on my lunch break in my car? What could go wrong with that? So we rescheduled and the day came and I took my break at about 1pm. She came and brought me lunch and we decided to get to work.

We decided to take all of our clothes off because duh that made the most sense, and got to work. I applied the rubber and she climbed on top and it was about as awkward as you could expect in the backseat of a car. We kinda had a rhythm going but post-nut clarity was starting to set in, pre-nut. A foreshadow nut clarity, if you will. About 3 seconds after I thought this probably wasn’t the best idea, I heard the worst possible sound in the entire world: a knock on my window. I froze, and my body went into a state of deep panic and somehow forced out a nut right as I glanced up, sheepishly, into the eyes of my manager (M). I had next to no tint on my old truck and had actually considered getting some prior to this. Oh regret.

I know some will ask for what happened after so I will provide a brief epilogue. My general manager was actually the one that saw me while she was parking and got our second-in-command officer to go and get me. I could just hear “shame, shame, shame,” as I hung my head on the walk back to the building where they were standing. Cersei herself had a more pleasurable punishment than I had in that moment.

They put me on probation and laughed about it telling me to find any one of a million other parking lots in the city. I quit shortly after to no one’s surprise.

TL;DR I got caught losing my virginity by manager after a failed attempt at planning and execution.

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