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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU: I just wiped my ass with a Clorox bleach wipes

So my wife tossed them on top of my Dude Wipes in the cabinet, which I quickly reached for in the moment of need.. The package was different looking but I thought maybe it was just a new brand wipe or something, so I went hard without thinking twice.

After I paused for a moment, then glanced at the package and sure enough theres a cleaning brand label on it I paused again thinking, maybe they have butt wipes? Then the word CLEANING hits my eye. It only burned for a few seconds then I used real butt wipes to get it off. But I thought I may have killed myself Darwin award style for a split second.

I lurk this forum a lot and I know it's not the most dramatic fuck up, but I wanted to share my story with someone.

TL;DR I wiped my asshole with bleach but lived to talk about it ( so far )

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