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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU taking a dump in the wrong bathroom

Obligatory this wasn't today, this was a while back, but I was telling the story today and figured i should share it.

I'm a chef for work. More specifically, I've been a chef at frat houses for the past 3 years. Its an interesting position, the house will be in various forms of destruction when I get there until the custodian comes in a few hours later. This is all important for later.

So one friday morning, I'm at work, its early, I've just finished my coffee, and nature calls. So i head to the nearest bathroom to me, which is like the main public area bathroom. Few urinals, few stalls. They had clearly had a rager the night before, so all the toilets are filled with a variety of trash, vomit, and other unpleasant things. No worries, theres a womens room right beside that I use in situations like this. Its generally cleaner, 5 full stalls, and I've never had to worry about a woman coming in, they're usually gone by this point or use one of the bathrooms upstairs, whatever. Heres where my fuck up begins to happpen.

I go to one of the cleaner stalls on the end, drop my pants, and start doing my business. Its quite a bowel movement. I'm about halfway through when i hear the door open and i hear numerous girls come in. Like at least 5. And they're talking, and gossiping about the night, and doing whatever girls do in the girls room. Some go to the stalls beside me; others just stand by the sink and talk. I'm sweating bullets. I have big, clearly male feet with boots on, just seeing my feet is a dead giveaway theres a man in the womens room. Its quite a smelly one too. So i sit here, im puckered up now, and im just waiting til I can get away. Bless them, they say nothing about me or the smell or the obvious fact theres a dude in there. This probably goes on 7-10 minutes before they leave, i pull up my pants and gtf outta there, i can wash my hands in the kitchen. And thats why I'm afraid to use the ladies room.

TL;DR i pooped in the womens room because the mens was dirty, and got stuck while 5 sorority girls came in

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