Skip to main content

TIFU taking a dump in the wrong bathroom

Obligatory this wasn't today, this was a while back, but I was telling the story today and figured i should share it.

I'm a chef for work. More specifically, I've been a chef at frat houses for the past 3 years. Its an interesting position, the house will be in various forms of destruction when I get there until the custodian comes in a few hours later. This is all important for later.

So one friday morning, I'm at work, its early, I've just finished my coffee, and nature calls. So i head to the nearest bathroom to me, which is like the main public area bathroom. Few urinals, few stalls. They had clearly had a rager the night before, so all the toilets are filled with a variety of trash, vomit, and other unpleasant things. No worries, theres a womens room right beside that I use in situations like this. Its generally cleaner, 5 full stalls, and I've never had to worry about a woman coming in, they're usually gone by this point or use one of the bathrooms upstairs, whatever. Heres where my fuck up begins to happpen.

I go to one of the cleaner stalls on the end, drop my pants, and start doing my business. Its quite a bowel movement. I'm about halfway through when i hear the door open and i hear numerous girls come in. Like at least 5. And they're talking, and gossiping about the night, and doing whatever girls do in the girls room. Some go to the stalls beside me; others just stand by the sink and talk. I'm sweating bullets. I have big, clearly male feet with boots on, just seeing my feet is a dead giveaway theres a man in the womens room. Its quite a smelly one too. So i sit here, im puckered up now, and im just waiting til I can get away. Bless them, they say nothing about me or the smell or the obvious fact theres a dude in there. This probably goes on 7-10 minutes before they leave, i pull up my pants and gtf outta there, i can wash my hands in the kitchen. And thats why I'm afraid to use the ladies room.

TL;DR i pooped in the womens room because the mens was dirty, and got stuck while 5 sorority girls came in

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...
Post a Comment
Read more