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TIFU by eating chocolate covered pretzels

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TIFU by not chewing enoki mushrooms properly

Edit: enoki mushrooms are apparently called the "see you tomorrow mushroom" due to its tendency to come out of the digestive process whole. The kind I ate was called "white crab mushrooms", a thicker variant of enoki mushroom.

Obligatory 'didn't happen today'.

Several years ago we had hotpot for dinner, where I ate a bunch of enoki mushrooms. The next day, I woke up around noon and took a shit. It was a pretty straightforward shit until I got to the last piece. As I felt the last chunk of crap exit my rectum, I waited for the plopping sound of the turd dropping into the toilet water, but didn't hear it. It felt like the poop was dangling out of my ass. I wiggled my butt a bit to get it to drop down, but it didn't. I wiggled some more and the object was flinging around but it was clearly not coming out. I began to panic as I thought it was a parasite like a worm. It felt cold and slimy, and the same width as a skinny earthworm, unlike a normal shit. I sat there for an hour and a half, clenching my buttcheeks to try and force it out, but the last tiny section of the turd was sitting in that tiny 'blind spot' where my ass muscles couldn't push it out. It was also the last piece of feces left inside me so I couldn't just shove it out with another piece of shit. It's like trying to squeeze the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.

The shit was so long it would swing left and right whenever I made the smallest movement. Whenever it did so, I would feel some movement inside my anus, which led to me thinking it was possibly alive. I was panicking, thinking about the possibility that I was passing some sort of living parasite through my bowels. I took my phone out and made a bunch of google searches to find a solution to my predicament but it seemed like this was a very rare occurrence and many people even thought I was trolling when I asked about it in online forums/chatrooms. After four and a half hours in the restroom, I had lost feeling in my legs multiple times and the sun had even begun setting. I mustered my willpower and decided to just pull it out. I wrapped toilet paper around my hand and grabbed the thin dangling shit.

I immediately regretted doing so and pulled my hand away. It felt exactly like a slimy, living worm. It was even a bit elastic and squishy. I wrapped several more layers of toilet paper around my hand and went again. I gave the thing a little tug. It was a strange and horrible sensation, like a snake was crawling out of my rectum. I expected it to come out smoothly considering how slimy it was but there was a lot more friction than I expected. At this point I was trembling head to toe and the thing was swinging around, still dangling halfway out of my asshole. Keep in mind that 3 or 4 inches of this thing was hanging out of my ass and what felt like an unknown length was still in my ass, and at the time I was 100% certain that it was a worm of some kind. After sitting there for another half hour thinking about how my life had led to this point, I mustered up all my courage, wrapped my hand in a ton of tp, grabbed the 'worm', and pulled. It was a horrible feeling as I slowly dragged it out of my hole, but I was finally free.

When I looked at it to decide whether I should flush it or keep it to show to the doctor, I realized it wasn't a worm. It was an enoki mushroom, like the ones I had eaten the previous night. Apparently I swallowed it without chewing, and it passed through my entire digestive system in one piece. Ever since that day, I have been afraid of enoki mushrooms, and I avoid foods that are hard to digest in general. Remember to always chew your food, especially if you're eating things like enoki mushrooms.

TL;DR: Swallowed a large enoki mushroom whole. It didn't digest at all and remained intact, and the mushroom's head got stuck on the way out of my rectum.

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