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TIFU by getting caught shoplifting and making the employee cry

Hello, today i fucked up because i stole something from the store and the very lovely employee noticed it..

This happened less than 10 minutes ago so its fresh in my mind and I seriously need a place to vent about it.

Hi, I'm a 19 (f) who has had addictions ever since I can remember, first it was gaming, sweets, eating disorders, energy drinks cigarettes' porn and now recently shoplifting.

Shoplifting started happening to me around 3 years ago. starting small with a tiny chocolate and it kept getting bigger and bigger (vapes, makeup, clothes, art supplies hell even stole a giant ass scale back when my eating disorder was more active) the shoplifting hauls kept getting more extreme that even just last week I stole a good 300usd worth of goodies.I was so ""good at getting away with it""" (a.k.a got addicted) that i do it in almost every day whenever i enter any store! I started to justify it in my head in many ways blaming capitalism doing this for a higher porpoise yada yada the standard excuses addicts' of this sort have...Until tonight

I took a break from studying to go get cigarettes' an energy drink and some sort of sweet. I felt extreme anxiety, just a real gut feeling that something bad will happen tonight. I brushed it off thinking i was just "scared of the dark" and my Spidey senses are tingling because a dog might bark at me and ill get jump scared or something silly like that. I came to the store got my things as usual fighting the urge to shoplift, i almost lifted a 2nd can of energy drink, put it back on the shelf, a thing of cinnamon, put it back on the shelf, a damn croissant put it back on the shelf. And then this damned 1.70 buck tiny chocolate. She stuck around.

As i snooped around through the store to look for shit i need to *actually* buy a middle aged lady who worked there noticed my strange behavior. As I got to the cashier to ring everything up she whispered to the cashiers ear "i think you should ask her". My first thought was oh yeah i look pretty underage the cashier is gonna ask me for my ID ,,,,,NOPE! she popped the good old question of my nightmares. Excuse me? Did you take a chocolate with you? Shit... I replied no I didn't and tried to play it cool, hell even the workers seemed convinced until the person standing next to me in line said "no i can clearly see it in your pocket" In defeat , and in a strange catharsis I took it out of my pocket and said "yes I did, please ring it up, and honestly thank you for catching it". I don't remember what else happened inside the store I just confessed that this is something i struggled with for a long time and that I'm glad they caught me... The middle aged lady who was obviously training this cashier told me that I am not welcome at the store anymore and that from this moment on I'm banned, I told them that's understandable and I left.

Just as i exited the middle aged lady asked me this: " are you on something ? " without even turning around or really thinking i responded "like medicated?" (not even realizing that maybe she meant it as some sort of insult) She said "yes" , i turned around to say "n-no, why are you asking me that?" Somehow while i was turning around to see where her voice is coming from she stood ahead of me and lit a cigar. "Where did this all start, do you go to therapy have you ever talked about this?" I sat down, she sat next to me and I confessed that i always have been the type to jump from one addiction to the other and that I'm both embarrassed and sincerely so happy that someone finally intervened. My addictive behaviors flair up whenever I'm stressed that's why i came to get cigs and an energy drink and the chocolates just happened on autopilot. She listened to me and behaved as a stern concerned and loving mother would do. I told her i always wanted some help with this but never really knew where to begin if i should go fess up to the police, or reenter the store and confess but i always chickened out before going through with it. She stopped me mid sentence to say that she has two female kids of her own around the same age as me and it physically pains her to see me in this kind of situation. She considers me a very intelligent bright young girl with a whole future ahead of me and that she doesn't want me to get destroyed by such a mindless crime. She asked me if I have anyone to talk to about this (parents mostly), I answered no because I don't have the type of relationship where I can safely tell my parents this. to that she suggested that i seek professional help and that she knows what its like as a mother to see her daughters hide their problems from her. She gave me a big hug as I profusely apologized through tears. At that moment she started getting emotional and tearing up as well. I promised her to get better and seriously thanked her for this wakeup call. Her smoke break was almost over and she got up and told me to seriously try hard to get better because this is a shameful thing that ruins lives and paints you as a bad person. Seeing that our time is running out i asked her if this has happened before and what will happen next. She told me the standard procedure is to call up and report the case get a picture of me up and put it in the system get the police involved and ban me from the store , though she doesn't want to do that for god knows what reason. She just gave me a slightly unofficial hint that its best to not come here anymore/ that i cant come in here for some time. I guess you can say she gave me a slap on the wrists and heavily advised me to find someone/anyone to talk to. That's why I turned to this subreddit to tell my story just to have anyone to talk to if nothing to scream at the void.

My question is what do I do next? She obviously gave me the confrontation and talk that i needed for 3 years now and ill take that advice to make my first step in fixing my issues but am i truly safe ? Will she just turn me in the next day? Will it be a good idea to send her a lovely bouquet and a big chocolate a few years down the line when I genuinely recover, id love to have someone to talk to about this. Does anyone know of any support groups on discord or reddit of this sort? Thank you all , i know this is a pretty bad fuck up but now that i have gotten to the end of writing this i feel happy and optimistic and I'm sincerely glad that this fuck up happened, does that make me a bad person? Thank you once again for listening and for this space to even exist.. Goodnight

TL;DR got caught shoplifting, ended up having a wholesome yet terrifying talking to from the worker lady. Hope things will get better if i dont go to jail lol

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