TIFU I lost the love of my life

Hey everyone, I wouldn’t be able to give all the details to this story cause it would take me forever and no one wants to read it. So I’ll try to be concise.

I’ll start of by saying I met my significant other nearly 10 years ago at the age of 16 on the beach. To say it was love at first sight would be an understatement. You see those rom com movie scenes? Well it was that. Due to distance we never had the opportunity to ever be together, not to mention our age difference and the fact that I was abroad studying.

When covid happened, my university said that students didn’t need to be on campus and could do the program remotely. This was our opportunity. So I decided to move and go and live where he is in Spain. To finally give us a chance. I genuinely, and still to this day, believe I had found the love of my life. We understood and already knew everything of eachother. We felt blessed and special compared to others. We never had any fights. We trusted eachother blindly. Our love was pure.

Unfortunately 3 months ago we decided to break up. For multiple reasons. Despite still being deeply in love with eachother, we approached it very reasonably and both agreed it was best for us to terminate the relationship. We were both extremely proud of how we handled it and still took daily news of eachothers. Always talking with care. And love. As we always did.

Very rapidly after that I met someone else. For context I am someone who’s been jumping from relationship to relationship since the age of 13 while never being single more than 4 months. The history repeated itself even here. With someone that is objectively toxic, jealous, violent. The whole package. Everyone in my surrounding told me that he was bad news. Friends, family and even the person that I loved the most. But I didn’t listen.

Even with multiple signs and fights, I still chose to stay with that person who clearly didn’t seem to bring any good to my life. But as superficial as it may sound, I was going out, having fun, going to dinners, meeting people, travelling. Something I rarely did with my ex because he was a true stay at home person. So I guess I felt like I was liberating myself from something I had always wished to share with my ex.

One night, after an other fight, Mr. Red Flag comes running to my house. I hear him screaming my name down the window asking me to come down so we could talk things through once again. And fix things. But I didn’t want to.

In this very same moment, unfortunately, my ex was on his way back home (we leave in the same street).

And what happened? Mr Red Flag goes to punch him. And my ex is on the floor.

To make it short, my ex suffered from brain bleeding and cervical injuries with potential life long consequences like memory loss.

But you wanna hear something more fucked up? After that I still decided to get back with the guy who had just hurt the person I care and love the most in my life.

My ex explicitely told me I was sick in the head and blocked me.

I didn’t only lose him but also my friends who told me they didn’t want to be part of my life anymore.

Long story short, I am no longer with Mr. Red Flag but I now have to live with the weight of this guilt that somehow feels like will forever stick to me. Live with the knowledge that I broke the one person that was so special to me apart and potentially losing him forever.

I fucked up. Bad. And I feel hopeless.

TL;DR: My boyfriend punched my ex and I lost the person I love the most in my life.