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TIFU by letting my mom down

I was never the type of kid that wanted too much in life. My grades have never been that great until collage in which I think I found something for my soul. I'm studying English Literature, now last grade, and I'm 20. I so far am the best student in the department with the GPA of 3,68 and willing to be an academician. Sounds good right?

Yeah it was. Until I just fucked it up.

With the influence of social media and my close friends, I habituated to watch some gambling shit. It seemed fun and all, though I never thought about playing. Then? Yeah you've probably guessed it right.

My ma is a widow who had to work her ass out to raise me and my 2 siblings. She always wanted us to go to school just for us to live our proper ways of life. My older sister has made it. And I was about to I guess. My mom has never been able to go to school as his dad thought schoolgirls were becoming "whores" or something in the end. My father cheated on ma and left us when I was an infant. So it was my duty to become someone responsible for my family and as the only "man" of it. Yeah, the man of my ass.

So, I put what I had on my hand into gambling, which was not too much and lost all of it (about 1k dollars, which is a good amount of money in my country, that I worked for in the summer). From the bank my employer worked with, I got a loan of 4k in dollars. Guess what. Yeah, all gone.

Today I had to tell my mom what I had done in a covered way that I got swindled through some crypto shit. Told her my debt was 1k in total and she sent me that money with the tears I could unfortunately hear on the phone. It was her money for the bad days that she saved up for months. I wish I could have a gun in my hand right at that moment. What a daymare it was to hear her sobbing voice. God...

I still have 4k debt in total, which doesn't sound too much but it is where I live. I am really thinking ending of it all though it sounds fucking ridiculous. Damn, IDK what to do...

TL;DR do not fucking gamble

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