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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by trying to be “Jim Jupiter” at a liquor store

So, obligatory, this didn’t happen today but last night. I work as a stock boy at a liquor store, and I decided to embrace a healthier lifestyle. I proudly ate a homemade veggie sandwich before work, thinking I was nailing the whole “eat clean” thing.

Fast forward a few hours into my shift, and my stomach decides it’s had enough of this newfound virtue. I sprinted to the bathroom, leaving behind a mess that would make a crime scene cleanup crew cringe.

Emerging, I'm still looking like a ghoul when two dudes walk in with a freaking gun, ready to rob the place. With my stomach in knots, I mutter, "You might want to hurry; I left a surprise in the bathroom."

To my surprise, they bolt out faster than I can say "fiber." But here's the twist - I didn't consider the aftermath. The cops arrive, dealing not only with the armed robbers but also the unholy stench emanating from my digestive disaster zone. It turns into a chaotic crime scene with officers gagging as they try to maintain order.

TL;DR - Fiber might save you from robbers, but it won't save you from the smell when the cops show up.

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