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TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

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TIFU by eating sugar free gummie bears...Do I really need to say anything more?

TLDR:My friend tricked me into eating Sugar free Haribo Gummy bears after I beat him in smash bros,I then proceeded to make out with Poseidon

So I (14 M) was chilling on the couch with my friend (16 M) and we were playing Smash Bros (I was winning XD) and after I beat him again,he decided to switch characters We were taking the whole time,but then he brought up the Sugar Free Haribo Gummy Bears I thought they sounded interesting and so he sent me a link to them and said that they were great! I wasnt really suspicious(oh what a mistake that would turn out to be) and he knew I was attempting to lose weight recently,and so I purchased them later that day They arrived two weeks later, and I opened them up and decided to taste one. It tasted...FREAKING AMAZING I snacked on the bag for the next day By the end of the day I was almost finished with the bag when my stomach made the sound of a beast trying desperately to escape its prison,as I felt a pain in my stomach,I rushed to the bathroom as fast as my legs would take me and sat upon the porcelain throne,not yet knowing that disaster was about to strike... As I sat in the toilet and pushed,what can only be described as watery gunshots rang out again,and again,and again,as the shitty water arced up around me, barely touching the toilet seat before falling back down as I was wracked with pain,bang after bang after bang of the loudest sound I think I've ever made,you may have heard of a Poseidon kiss,but nay, Poseidon was making love to my explosive rectum,BANG,BANG,BANG,I started crying wondering what cursed god would create a world in which this kind of suffering could ever occur,as I sat there for an hour until the pain,and it's cause,resided I flushed the toilet and took a deep breath to try and collect myself What a mistake that would turn out to be (Again,I know ;-;) as the most vile stench I have ever smelt or dealt in my entire nearly 15 years of existence on this planet we call earth met my nostrils. I proceeded to throw up,and then I just sat there,gagging in horror of what the actual fuxk just happened to me. I eventually stood up,wiped my ass,only to look back in fear as the toilet paper was perfectly dry... I grabbed 4 bottles of Febreeze and every air freshener in the apartment to try and fight off the stench,but it only made it barely more manageable. As I took a shower,still utterly traumatized from my ordeal,I wondered what could have caused it,then it occured to me. The only thing new I had eaten recently was the gummy bears. After my shower I decided to look up the reviews and read all if the absolute horror stories that were caused by the sugar free Haribo Gummy Bears. I called my friend after and started to tell him what happened,and he started laughing maniacally over the phone,screaming "THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR BEATING ME IN SMASH BITCH" before hanging up... I threw out the rest of the gummy bears,and then decided to sit down and write this reddit story. I never really post on reddit but I actually have a story,as shitty as it was (pun intended) to tell soooo... Also I'm not hanging out with that friend anymore till I figure out a way to get him back,so if anyone has any ideas do let me know. I really should have checked the reviews under thosešŸ˜­

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