TIFU by making a comment that ruined my relationship with my most beloved cousin.

I (29F) have a cousin (20F). Let's call her Clara. Clara means the world to me, she has been my favourite family member since the day she was born. We've always had a wonderful relationship, have never fought or had mayor disagreements. She is the person I care about most in the whole world and I would get a bullet for her. People in our family say she's mini-me, which is absolutely true. Since she was little, I have given her english lessons, helped her with homework, been there for her when she got bullied, been to all her birthdays, helped her and supported her through thin and thick. I found a job for her and all her friends and a house for the summer so they could come and make some money. I have taken care of her and all her friends while they where here, picking them up and dropping them off at the airport, taking them to the hospital, taking care of them when they got sick, buying them food if they needed the help, driving them places so they could explore a little... They wanted or needed something, I did it, they just had to name it. Now, something really important for the story is that Clara and I tell each other everything, and that Clara is a REALLY private person and only tells her stuff to people she really trusts.

I live in a different country than the one we come from, and last summer my cousin came with her boyfriend and some of her friends to work with me. The (now ex) boyfriend is an abusive piece of crap, he would be constantly manipulating Clara, making her feel bad about herself, he wasn't helping in the house and he expected her to do everything for him. She would get in fights with the rest of the house trying to defend him and started to get a bit isolated. He even pushed her out of the bed during a fight, and he had slapped her in the face once before that summer (only I knew about this). The whole house was under a level of stress that you can't imagine because of this mother-ducker, he had 6 people constantly on edge. On top of that, I was taking care of all of them because they are a bunch of 18 yo in a foreign country that have no idea of anything and just want to have fun and party and do stupid sh*t. I was also dealing with my own personal issues and work related stuff. It was a horrible summer and I was all over the place. The cherry on top was my mother, who would be constantly calling me to vent because Clara's mother would call my mother to vent over whatever shit about Clara. At some point I was done with listening to my mother talk bad about Clara, so I exploded and I started ranting, telling her to shut the eff up because she, neither Clara's mother, had any idea how this summer was really being like, and other stuff in that lane. I also said that the boyfriend of my cousin was a piece of garbage and a psychological abuser. I realised that I effed up and I said something I shouldn't have, so I asked my mother to please not say anything.

Fast forward to Valentijn's day, the now ex of my cousin sent her, after 3 months of barely any contact, a flower bouquet with a love note. Everything is so macabre, I can't comprehend how somebody could be this twisted. But Clara, even tho she broke up with him, is still in love with him and very emotionally dependant. She does her best to stay away from him, but abusive relationships are never easy and she's suffering a lot. Clara's mother knows nothing about this (I thought), so she persuaded Clara to text him and thank him for the flowers.

Two days after, Clara's mother went to my mother's house and she told my mother about the flowers and the note, and how she couldn't understand what happened between them and why Clara broke up with him. She went on and on. She also said to my mother that me and other people in Clara's close circle are getting in her head and convincing him to break up with him, and that Clara is so stupid for listening to us, and that she's not surprised that most of us are single because we are unbearable and nobody can stand us. This hurt my mother, who said "Or maybe she broke up with him because he was treating her like sh8t".

Then the mother of my cousin told Clara about the comment, and all hell broke lose. Clara got super angry at my and I understood it and apologised, and told her that I would explain what happened the next morning, because I think the truth is going to hurt her and is harsh to tell on a text. She doesn't want to hear it, she said there is no excuse or reason good enough to do what I did, that she feels betrayed and that she needs some time because she doesn't want to talk to me right now. She also accused me to tell something that is not true, so I called my mom to find out exactly what happened, and she told me that apparently Clara's mother knew some things about a friend of mine, and her drug-addict abuser ex boyfriend, and some of my private stuff too. I talked to my cousin about this and asked her to explain to me what is this and how is she being so hypocritical to get angry at me when she also told her mother stuff, and on top of everything lying and accusing me of things I didn't do.

She then denied that she ever told my private stuff to her mother, that she didn't lie, that what I did and what she did where not comparable because her stuff was private and really sensitive, and she literally said "It's not like you told that I went to buy a hot dot or move back to my home country (that is my private stuff that she told her mother)". I am moving back to my home country because, after 5 years, I couldn't adapt to this country, and I feel really down, lonely and sad. I am also financially not okay, and she knows this. It hurt that she put that at the same lave of buying a hot dog tbh.

Then, her mother talked to me to defend her and, unintentionally admitted that, in fact, Clara had told her my private stuff and that she did it willingly. She also confirmed that she told stuff about my friends. But regardless, it's normal that Clara feels betrayed because she was not expecting me to tell anything, and to give her some time to cool down because she's having a really hard time. Also, she says that Clara never tells anything to anybody. This is not true. For example, Clara has told me personal and sensitive stuff about Claudia, Clara's best friend. When Claudia told me that same stuff, I pretended I didn't know anything and Clara thank me for it afterwards. Clara’s mother told me that I could trust her daughter and Clara thought she could trust me. Everything was really contradictory. On top of that, she told me that what she said to Clara was "be careful what you tell to your cousin (me) because your aunt knows your life better than yourself". But then she told me that she was surprised my mother said what she said because it was a really weird comment, but that in fact was just that one comment, and that was all. That she is unsure about what my mother really knows and that the comment really took her of guard because she didn't expect my mother to make it, but that she already knew that something like that was going on in her daughter's relationship. I told her that I made one single comment by accident, I didn't told the whole story and asked her why in the world would she say something like that when it's not even true. It was no point. It didn't matter what I said and in how many ways I tried to explain that what Clara did is as bad as what I did, if not worst, because I made a comment by accident and she willingly told about my life, accused me of things that where not true and, on top of that, lied to my face. Apparently, Clara has every right to feel hurt and angry and betrayed because I told something and, even tho it's true that Clara told my stuff, she never tells anything and I could trust her and she thought she could trust me.

I said to my cousin to stop lying to me in my face, because I know for a fact that she told stuff to her mother willingly (and I have an audio of her mother to prove it), to stop making excuses because, if there is no explanation or excuse or reason good enough for what I did, there also isn't for what she did. I also told her to stop accusing me of things I didn't do. That I can't believe she would banalise all of the reasons why I'm going to move and put them at the same level of buying a hot dog. That I already apologised and took responsibility for what I did, and that there is nothing more I can do about it. That she could keep on making things up in her head instead of listening to me if she doesn't wanna hear it. That I can't go back in time and unsay it, neither can I erase my mother's and her mother's memories, and that if she wants to stop talking to me for this, then fine. She could do as she pleased. It has been all day now and she hasn't responded. I think this is over.

I feel so heartbroken. I acknowledge that what I did is wrong, I assume it, I take full responsibility for it. I am not minimising it or brushing it off by any means, neither am I trying to make excuses for it. I apologised like twenty times, but there is no use. I can't believe that she could throw away 20 years of a fantastic relationship and being so incredibly harsh with me for an honest mistake. I can't believe that she is not even giving me the chance to explain what happened, or how or when. I can't believe she's acting like she has the moral ground here because "she never tells anything". I have never seen this hypocritical side of her before, or seen her lying to this level, or seen her twisting things like she’s doing now. I am devastated over the whole thing, because I know that our relationship is never going to be the same after this, at least not on my end. Because I think I don't deserve this and that this situation is really unfair. I am being the horrible person, and she’s being the victim, when we are both equally in the wrong here. I don't know what to do. Please, give me some outside perspective and tell me if I am in the wrong.

TL;DR: I slipped and made a comment by accident over my cousin’s abusive relationship. She found out and confronter me about it. Both of our mothers got involved, which opened a can or worms of my cousin telling my private stuff to her mother. Even tho she did it willingly and I did it by accident, I am the bad one and what she did is excusable. She doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I am devastated.