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TIFU by not realising I am the problem

I (39F) consistently feel like my son and I are a burden on my partner (38M). I work in a school, he has a steadily progressing career in engineering. We’re in the UK. My son is from a previous relationship and on the waiting list for ADHD assessment. His behaviour and attitude are getting progressively worse at home & school (not to mention a lot going on with his Dad and their relationship) and because I struggle with it all my partner always ends up being bad cop. My partner does so much for us, more than I can begin to acknowledge. He is a wonderful role model for his stepson and the kindest funniest person I know. My inability to cope with the bad stuff is pushing him away more and more. He’s become so withdrawn and now we’ve spoken about it all it’s glaringly obvious that I am the issue. We’ve been together for 7yrs and I thought this was my forever and I’m terrified I’ve messed it all up. I love him more than I can explain but it seems everything I try to say or do makes things worse. How can I/we be less of a burden? It’s breaking my heart but I feel like he’d be better off without us.

TL;DR: turns out I’m the reason our 7yr relationship is failing, what can I do to fix it?

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