TIFU by accidentally convincing my father that I’m a lesbian

This is a bit long, but here we go-

For background information, I(16f), am not a lesbian. I, in my entire sixteen years of life, have never felt any form of affection or attraction in any sort of romantic or otherwise sense.

I wouldn’t say I’ve ALWAYS hated the idea of dating or being married, but to be fair when I was little my idea of marriage was two best friends who move in together and buy whatever they want because adults get special adult privileges.

As I grew older, though, it became increasingly clear that I had a general lack of attraction. At first I thought I might just be attracted to all genders, because in my head I had decided that if it came down to it I didn’t have a preference, but I soon learnt that when the only situation in which I can see myself having a partner required force/extenuating circumstances, it wasn’t attraction at all.

I don’t care to put a label on it, I know that it’s possible as I get older my current preferences (or lack thereof) might develop or change, but for now I am adamant that I feel no attraction and I have no intent to be in any sort of relationship.

As I’ve been getting older, and physically maturing, it naturally resulting in a lot of comments and teasing from my parents. I’m not super introverted, but I’m not a very social person either, and I spend 99% of my time out of school alone reading in my room.

My body is extremely “matured”, according to my parents, and therefore they have become ten times stricter about what I wear and who I talk to. They started putting filters and monitors on my phone that allow them access to my text messages and photos, and while I was admittedly annoyed by the clear lack of trust, I didn’t push it because ultimately I have nothing I truly want to keep private from them.

I’ve always gotten little comments anytime I am within like ten feet of someone of the opposite gender, but my parents had started making much more comments about how much I was growing into myself, how I would have to be wary of boys because apparently I was going to be so irresistible, and worst of all they kept talking about my ‘future marriage’ and how pretty my apparent future children will be.

That was when I decided enough was enough, and tried very subtly to deflect any and all comments regarding any of those topics.

It made me genuinely very uncomfortable, Nevermind the fact that I have absolutely no interest in getting married or having kids.

I also happen to have the subtlety of a neon green brick through a window, so at some point I stopped trying to beat around the bush and made it very clear to both my parents I have no plans on getting married and I most DEFINITELY do not want children.

When pressed about my sudden defensiveness, I very plainly told my parents I hadn’t had any sort of incline towards romance or more, and my dad had remained silent while my mom exclaimed that it needed to be fixed.

I said, in much more polite words, hell no I’m not going to a person to “fix” my lack of attraction. Because. Like. What??? My dad agreed with me that it was ridiculous, but he had easily dismissed it as the fact that grow into my feelings when I’m older, and until then we won’t worry about it.

I also overheard him telling my mom that it was probably due to my (unfortunately very large range) of mental health issues, and that when I was more “stable” they could have a proper discussion with me.

This only made me more adamant to show them that I was serious, but unfortunately, that seems to have backfired horribly.

My father is convinced I’m doing all this because I am hiding the fact that I have a girlfriend.

My mom doesn’t believe it for one second, and in her true nature apparently the same night my father confessed what he thought was the situation she barged into my room laughing about how ridiculous she thought it was.

I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or offended that my mom thought I was “Nothing like one of them” (her words). I don’t like the very clear implication of how she would feel if I was, because it shouldn’t matter, but at the same time I’m glad she hadn’t gone down the same rabbit hole as my dad.

I also don’t know if this is spurred by the fact that it’s a running joke in my friend circle that I’m a lesbian magnet. I was four of friends gay/bi awakening, I’ve been confessed to multiple times since age twelve and it’s never been a boy on the other side of that.

My friends are aware of my orientation(or again, lack thereof) and so it’s just become a running joke of who else I can make ‘switch teams’ unintentionally.

I genuinely don’t know whether I want to laugh hysterically or cry over this, but I’ve picked up two new book series to keep me occupied meanwhile, so I just have to sit and wait until my father inevitably confronts me about my imaginary secret girlfriend that I’ve been somehow hiding in the walls.

TLDR: In my effort to convince my parents that I’m not interested in romance or marriage, I’ve made my father think I must be a lesbian who is doing all this as a valiant effort to hide a secret girlfriend.