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TIFU by trimming my balls (NSFW)

In solidarity with a fellow user who also injured his most precious and tender of areas, I would like to share my own version of a shaving experience gone awry.

Unfortunately this is not a copypasta, troll or shitpost. If you're squeamish I recommend not reading, as it was truly an unpleasant experience that I will delight in not softening with wording.

Obligatory this didn't happen today it happened several months ago...

I shall start by setting the scene. I (30) was handling my regular grooming regimen in preparation for a date a few hours later in the evening.

I wanted my boys to be spick and span, no fuzzy bush requiring my date to blunt several machetes just to get to the goods I thought to myself. Yes I'd be a pristine specimen, gloriously well maintained and worthy of my beautiful date.

But my friends, there was soon to be no glory beheld betwixt my thighs... No, soon I would be writhing upon my bathroom floor appearing before the heavens as a weeping newborn babe.

I hop into the shower, gleefully I trim my chest hair down, masterfully evading my nipples, taut from the splashings of water. I continue swiftly down my stomach, to the trail of hair extending from my pubic region, my goal was the appearance of care and maintenance not that of a prepubescent youth, so I tidied up and continued my journey downwards pleased with my progress.

Like a master of his craft I shaped and sculpted the hairs of my pubis, every stroke of my Philips Electric Trimmer cleaving beautiful paths of mowed pubic lawn, things were shaping up nicely. I was no stranger to these maneuvers, I'd done them countless times before, I knew every curve, every crevice, this land was my land.

I carefully navigated the inner thighs, the base of my limp shaft and gazed down proudly at my shower steamed meat cluster, this was almost certainly some of my best work, my snake while now docile and calm, would soon arise from this majestically manicured field of wheat and stand proudly before my date.

Zzzzzzzzzzzz, sang the trimmer as I claimed the last straggling hairs, Zzzzzzzz, all I needed now was to grab my safety razor and tackle the sack, Zzzzzzz, "but where did I pu----" Zzzzzckkkrkkk.

"That didn't sound good" I thought to myself, gazing downwards.

I gasped, with one momentary lack of concentration I was now gazing down at a sight that can only be described as pork pulling meat claws clutching my sack, pink flesh squeezed between the trimmer blades, their oscillation halted by tender elastic skin.

For what seemed like an entire minute I could hear nothing but the water running down my cheeks, there was no pain, there was no time, the clippers by Philips had spoken.

I fumbled carefully for the off button, but I was a moment too late, ZzzzzzZzzzzzzz, the silence was broken, the blades had done their job, lacerating through my flesh with glee as they buzzed into life. The pain was immediate, the blood pooling around my legs faster than the shower could wash it away.

I dropped the trimmer to the bathroom floor, leaping out of the shower. I like to imagine I let out a manly bellow, though looking back it was almost certainly a shrill shriek followed by tears of panic.

I grabbed a towel and assessed the damage, flopping my bag over the sink to clear the blood quick enough to see the wound. It was deep, those blades weren't messing around, slicing into my loose scrotal skin like a hungry chinchilla.

I grabbed a fistful of tissue paper and, wrapped my bean bag and stuffed another few layers into my boxers, hurriedly clothed myself and rushed out to A&E.

After some laughter from the nurse that saw me, I was told to perhaps keep sharp objects away from my gentials and got patched up.

Thankfully it would seem balls heal quite quickly and although I didn't make the date, I was able to rearrange to a week later and recount the story to my now girlfriend.

Balls well that ends well.

TL;DR: Caught my sack in my trimmer, leading to profuse bleeding, A&E, and the cancelling of my date.

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