TIFU by “trying on” a water butt in garden centre

TIFU by “trying on” a water butt in garden centre and getting stuck in it.

My wife and I retired a few years back and since the arrival of grandchildren we have always had a theme for our birthday gatherings. On this occasion it was agreed to have a family Pirate themed garden party to celebrate my wife’s birthday.

My son suggested that I could create a real life version of the Pop Up Pirate game (for those who don’t know the table game comprises a barrel with slots on the side. You take turns pushing plastic swords into the slots. Eventually the pirate in the barrel pops up).

The idea was to purchase a large garden water butt and cut some slots into the side. An adult would get in and crouch down. The grandkids would then take it in turns to push foam swords into the slots. At some point the adult would pop up with a hearty “Arghh”. Great idea!

I take myself off to a local garden centre to purchase the water butt. It was midweek so not busy. After much searching I locate the butts. They had various sizes. One was obviously way too small. But I couldn’t make my mind up about the medium and large sizes. The large one looked way too big and was pricier. However, the medium size looked tall enough but I was concerned about the diameter.

And this is where it went wrong. I decided I would slip it over my head and see if it would work. I got it over my head no problem but the lip was resting on my shoulders. Rather than thinking “no this is too small” I chose to try again this time raising my arms and slipping it over my arms first and then my head. Brilliant it worked. The butt slipped over my body to just below my knees. However, I now found myself stuck inside the butt. It was not wide enough for me to move my arms around to lift it off. I could only waddle around a little as I was unable to bend my legs. I could only see the circle of floor where I was standing. I started to panic. Crash! I had waddled too far and into shelving full of plastic plant pots.

Rather than stand still or fall to the ground. I just kept waddling around up and down the aisle trying desperately to grab the bottom (what is really the top) of the butt or get my hands above my head. Nothing seemed to be working.

Then I found that by jumping up and down the butt lifts off my head and there is a slight delay before it comes back down. At first the amount it lifted was not sufficient for me to grab the bottom of the butt. So I try about half a dozen jumps before I am able to grab hold of the bottom of the butt. I then, very carefully, start to push my hands and lower arms out of the bottom. Once I get to the bend in my arms it becomes a little easier. It is an amazingly painful squeeze over my shoulders but at last I’m free.

I look around and there is one woman in the aisle looking at me but keeping her distance. The only thing I could think of saying at that time was “I was trying it for size”. She didn’t say a word and walked off.

There are plant pots everywhere that I pick up and replace on the shelf. I look again at the water butt and decide that if I cut a hole in the bottom (which was the plan in any case) the pirate would not be impacted by the rim/lip on the top as they will only need to poke their head up. So I decided to buy it.

I get to the counter to pay and the lady who I had seen in the aisle was paying for her goods at the next counter trying her best to ignore me. The checkout assistant looked at what I had and said that I was missing the lid and attachments. I told that it was fine I didn’t need them as I was creating a Life Size Pop Up Pirate. She said “oh”.

TL; DR I “tried on” a water butt in a garden centre and got stuck in it.