TIFU by finding my girlfriend’s sex tape on accident

First let me preface this by saying I know I made a terrible decision to violating her privacy and breaking her trust. I know she isn’t to blame for my actions and it’s my fault this happened in the first place.

We've been together since the beginning of this year and almost everything was perfect. Our lifestyles don't necessarily compliment each other so it makes it a little difficult to always show up for each other. l've communicated that I didn't feel secure because the relationship didn't seem too high on her priority list and she said she would work on it. Well a few months down the road and a couple more conversations about needs and goals were had but not much changed. Instead of communicating what I was feeling, like I should have, or leaving I made the stupid decision to go into her phone. I won't call what I did a mistake because I made a concious choice to go in her phone but I did make the mistake of not considering the repercussions of my actions.

I do believe she's loyal to me so l would like to think it wasn't to confirm and suspicions but l was looking for some kind of reassurance she was as committed as I was. Deep down I know the fear of her cheating definitely helped fuel my decision and it was what I expected to find.

I went in her Snapchat and see that she was sexting a guy just days before we started talking. Of course that's something I didn't want to see but that part isn't what bothered me the most. She's an adult, she can do what she wants to with her body and it was before I was in the picture so it's whatever. What hurt me is that I recently asked for the same thing because we've been lacking sexual intimacy which makes me feel unsatisfied and disconnected. I told her that I don't want to watch porn and lust after other women especially when she's told me in the past that one of her concerns is that what I feel for her is just lust. My thought process was "well you don't want me lusting after you so why would I go do that to other women?" She's never asked me to do that but it seemed logically consistent to me. That way she's not feeling pressured for sex and I can still get my fix while still being all about the girl I love. She declined saying that she's not that kind of girl which I completely respect. “I have someone who wants to make sure what we have is genuine and is also a little conservative and has enough respect for herself to hold herself to that standard. I must have it all” I thought.

That broke my heart feeling like she lied to me and made me feel like I haven’t done enough to earn that kind of vulnerability from her. I took a huge hit to my ego knowing she did things with another guy she wouldn’t consider with me. After seeing that I had a horrible feeling there’d be more somewhere else so I went to her photos. At this point I’m literally asking for trouble but I was praying I’d be proven wrong and that it was a one time thing. I go into her hidden and find a sex tape with her and someone from her past. This makes two times where she’s doing something with someone she told me she’d never do but this was infinitely worse. They were having full on sex and he finished in her which is also something she told me she wouldn’t do with me. My heart sank into my stomach and shattered. I’ve been cheated on before and this was so much worse. Yes it was before we met each other but it’s one thing just knowing your partner isn’t a virgin and it’s a whole other thing seeing her get fucked with your own eyes. I locked the phone and laid there staring at the ceiling for the next few hours until I had to go to work. Feelings of guilt and a flurry of other emotions swirled around my mind the entire day. The video, the sounds, the thought of it was burned into my mind and wouldn’t stop playing back.

When I got off work I met with her to come clean and tell her what I did. Of course she was devastated that I would do that and was disgusted with herself for still having that stuff lying around. We decided to take some time to evaluate the situation and figure out what to do next. I don’t think she’s nasty or a hoe but I think seeing that has affected me mentally and how I view her. I haven’t been able to eat much in days. My heart doesn’t skip a beat when I see her anymore it just aches. The thought of sex just leaves me feeling numb until the video comes flashing through my mind again.

I’m in love with this girl and I want a future with her more than anything but how do I fix this? How do I get over what I saw?

TL;DR I went in my girlfriend’s phone to seek reassurance and found a sex tape instead.

Edit: Everyone saying I should’ve just had a conversation with her must’ve missed the part when I said that we’ve had multiple conversations addressing my concerns. At a certain point it becomes redundant and didn’t seem to be getting us anywhere. I couldn’t tell whether she was just holding out on me or truly didn’t give a fuck and was just playing games. Yes I probably should’ve just left but I was trying to exhaust all options (including the bad one) before I walked away because I really didn’t want it to come to that.

Edit 2: Im in my early 20s so of course I could always improve on my emotional maturity but out of the two of us I have far more than she does. Thats not a shot at her she just didn’t have an environment to practice it in nor did she seek it out on her own. Trying to teach someone else how to work through shit while also managing your own is difficult. Always having to be the one to lead the difficult conversations and bring up the shit no one wants to talk about started making me feel like the bad guy and like I’m just bitching.