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TIFU pretending to be someone I'm not

A few days ago my roommate informed me that her parents were on their way to our apartment to check up on her since she had not been feeling well. Me on the other hand, I was feeling fucking great, until my roommate mentioned that her parents believed I was gay. Now you might be wondering why. Well, so did I. My roommate said her parents would never have approved of their daughter moving in with a male roommate, so instead of standing her ground and telling her mom and dad that she was old enough to live with whoever she wanted, she was like, nah... the gay roommate story sounded better.

I had very little time to absorb all of this information because the parents were coming and my roommate wanted to know from me if I was willing to play the part of the gay roommate. I said I was more willing to leave the apartment before her parents showed up and avoid pretending to be gay. My roommate said her parents were under the impression that I was taking care of her while she was sick, so it would make more sense if I was at the apartment. I was on the verge of saying no, until she played her "you owe me" card out of desperation and then attempted to downplay the position she was putting me in by saying it's not like I had to "act gay" or anything.

Cut to me in pretend gay mode when my roommate's parents arrived. To my roommate's surprise, her parents were not alone. Her brother decided to visit too. My roommate was over the moon when she saw him. It was obvious that the two of them had not seen each other in ages. While brother and sister were milking every wholesome minute of their sibling reunion, mom and dad gravitated towards me. Cue awkward small talk. The dad asked me what my pronouns were and the mom wanted to know if I had a bf. My answer to the dad was he/him and my answer to the mom was no. The mom said she refused to believe that an attractive young man like me was single. She made sure she said it loud enough so that everyone could hear.

My roommate's brother rolled his eyes as he looked at me and said his relationship with his ex bf came to an end literally like a week ago, but despite his recent break up, his mother was unashamedly playing matchmaker with the first available gay guy she came across. I looked at my roommate and low key attempted to communicate my discomfort with my eyes. I was trying to show her what was going through my mind at that moment, which was "would've been fucking nice if I knew your brother was gay before I agreed to stop being straight." My roommate coughed all of a sudden and continued coughing until someone finally asked if she was dying. It was not the most subtle way of changing the subject, but at least she got the job done.

I eventually excused myself and allowed my roommate to be alone with her family. I was in my room for like 20 minutes before I got an unexpected message from my roommate. The message was a warning or whatever that her brother was on his way to my room for some reason. Seconds later someone was knocking on my door. I took a deep breath and opened the door. It was indeed my roommate's brother. He said he wanted to thank me for taking care of his sister because he knew from personal experience what a pain in the ass she could be when she's sick. I said it was no problem. Then came an uncomfortable silence before my roommate's brother said he had a question for me. I automatically sighed on the inside. The brother wanted to know if I was gay or bi because he checked out my IG and saw photos of me with my roommate, aka his sister, and apparently our body language in these photos made him feel like we might be more than just roommates.

The voice in my head said drop the act and just come clean, but the weed in my system said commit to the role and stay in character. I stupidly opted for the latter and said the following: "bro... I am so fucking gay... I would empty my balls inside you and your dad before I even considered having sex with your sister." As soon as I said that, I stopped hearing sounds coming from the living room, which was where my roommate and her parents were. Everyone went from talking to not talking by the end of my sentence. It occurred to me that I might have said what I said with too much passion and forgot that my apartment was small. My roommate's brother laughed and said he's gonna have to visit his sister more often from now on. I said I had to go to the bathroom, which was just an excuse to escape. I locked the bathroom door and messaged my roommate to ask her if her parents heard what I said to her brother.

My roommate's response was to send me like a thousand emojis that seemed to suggest that she was cringing. I returned to my room and never came out until my roommate eventually confirmed that her family was gone. She said her brother wanted to say goodbye to me, but she convinced him to follow her mom and dad's lead and stay the fuck away from me. She sarcastically thanked me for being way too gay and scaring her parents away.

Tl:Dr My roommate convinced me to pretend to be gay in order to disarm her parents who were visiting our apartment and didn't approve of her living with a guy who might attempt to hook up with her or whatever. I ended up getting way too committed to my character and making a fool of myself in front of my roommate's family by saying I would fuck my roommate's brother and her father before I would ever dream of touching her. Now my roommate's parents probably feels even more worried about the wellbeing of their daughter thanks to me.

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