Skip to main content

TIFU by getting sea sick and projectile vomited on my date's clothes.

Very nice, very handsome french guy I met in Marseille asked me out. The date started with an afternoon tea and some french pastries, then we sailed on a sunset cruise with dinner. I blame those damn pastries (more on this latter).

I had been on speedboats and never got even a bit sea sick, so I assumed everything would fine. But the universe woke up wanting to kick me in the teeth that day.

We boarded and sailed, and the moment that ship's hull hit the first wave, my stomach synchronised with the cruise. If we went down, my stomach jumped to my throat; if we went up, it fell to the lowest part of my abdomen (there were moments I thought I was going to pee myself). I tried to lock my eyes in the horizon, but I was so dizzy and leaning sidewise that it wasn't horizontal anymore - just a diagonal line that changed it's angle of inclination with each wave.

Then I began to taste and smell the sweet of those pastries again, which combined with the salty evening breeze, gave me the most nauseating mouth taste I have ever experienced. Meanwhile I was trying to keep my whole act straight (my date was paying for everything, btw). I talked and talked, pretending everything was fine - except I wasn't. I should have excused myself and ran to the bathroom (or the side of the boat at the least) when I felt the vomit coming, but, stupid me, I still tried to soldier-on through the feeling.

I was facing directly at his face (trying to smile :)) when I, literally, exploded. I didn't even had time to face away and vomit on my myself (which I would have preferred a million times); instead, that handsome french guy got it all on his shirt, pants, and shoes. And it was a lot. I have no idea how my stomach could hold onto so much vomit (one surprises oneself sometimes). I think I puked all those croissants and macarons in one single regurgitation because, making the scene even worse, I went on dry-gagging for like a whole minute or two (seriously, I think I have never suffered so much while vomiting).

Then the cruise crew came and cleaned the whole mess (they were very nice to me. I still remember "These things happen" in very thick french accent). My date did the best he could to clean up himself in the bathroom.

Interestingly, I've never been sea sick again.

And we still hooked up that night (on land, after a shower).

TL;DR: I went on a sunset cruise with and threw up all my french pastries on my date.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by putting my already skinny jeans in the dryer on high heat.

TL;DR: Was stupid and didn't realize I put my clothes on extra high heat in the dryer. Had to rock skintight skinny jeans all day with tighty whities (only clean pair I had since I procrastinate doing laundry like crazy). I guess the constant wedgies and squishing are punishment for my stupidity. Honestly don’t know who else to blame but myself for this. I’m a scatterbrained guy so I literally put the highest setting on a load with most of my clothes, and my skinny jeans that I was planning to wear today. You can probably already see where this is going, but somehow I didn’t. For context, these jeans were already pushing the limits of what could reasonably be called wearable. They fit, technically, but only in the sense that I could get them on with enough determination and a bit of strategic breathing. Sitting down in them was more of a commitment than a casual action. Still, they looked good, and I had convinced myself that discomfort was just part of the aesthetic. So this m...
Post a Comment
Read more