Skip to main content

TIFU by losing my cellphone at the grocery store

Post a Comment

TIFU by perving on an 83 year old woman and accidentally blasting a prn ad into my wife's ears

So I have eclectic tastes. With music, specially, I listen to a wide variety of genres, sub-genres, cultural categories, etc. YouTube's algorithm struggles to keep up with me sometimes, so it will throw the most random videos at me.

(I know this is not how it works, but I can't help talking about YouTube that way.)

So last night YouTube recommended a video titled "Ann-Margaret: Shotgun." If you're not familiar with Ann-Margaret, she was a real eye catcher back in her day. She knew what her mama gave her, and she made a name for herself by shaking it in various states of dress - often while maintaining a contrasting innocent look. (At least, that's how I see it; I'm not from that era.) My first introduction to Ann-Margaret was on Mad Men, in which they play a clip of her singing Bye Bye Birdie.

Oh my.. That clip has stuck with me over the years, but I never really looked into her. I've seen Ann-Margaret pop up in references throughout the years, but mostly I've just ignored her.

But YouTube decided it was time I get to know this lady a little better. The aforementioned video appeared on my TV last night. I gave it a shot, because why not. It looked innocent enough. When, however, a close-up of Ann-Margaret's hips shaking through a pair of sheer black leggings, I realized I needed to take her off my 85" screen. I wasn't alone in the house, after all.

Some time later, I decided to look her up on my phone. Google Ann-Margaret, click on images, and you get some alluring results.

But that was not enough.

Oh, no, dear reader. My depraved mind needed more.

So I added "nude" to the search, then turned off safe search. The results were considerably more seductive. Naturally.

The first of those results came from AZNudes. Hey, I've been there before. I'm not proud. I'm not ashamed, either. At least, not that ashamed. I dutifully tapped the link. It loaded quickly, and instead of seeing Ann-Maragret in the buff, I saw an ad for jerkmate on auto-play. I instinctively turned down the volume of my phone, just in case. There was no sound coming out of it, to my relief.

But wait a minute! The volume was at full. And it had the Bluetooth icon. That wasn't right, because my buds were in their case. I decided to check my Bluetooth settings, and the blood just emptied from my face. I could feel myself turn white.

My phone was not connected to my buds. Oh no, dear reader. My phone was connected to my wife's older headphones. I didn't even know she had them anymore!

As nonchalantly as I could, I went to check on her. She was doing something for work, so I had to walk across the house. We made eye contact, but she just smiled. A very knowing, judgy-but-I've-accepted-your-depravity-as-my-husband kind of smile.

She still hasn't said a word about it. But I know that for the briefest of moments, my wife was blasted with "Yo! Ever heard of jerkmate!"

Tl;Dr: I looked up nude photos of Ann-Margaret and managed to blast the audio of a jerkmate ad into my wife's ears.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by walking into a glass door.

This just happened barely 30 minutes ago. Ended up with a nose bleed and some of the worst nose pain in my life. I can’t even wear glasses without the pressure hurting my nose. So, how did I make the same fuck up a bird would? I put on my sunglasses to leave an appointment and ended up walking nose first into a glass door. Shambling back in shock, I had no damn clue what I had just done. It shocked me so bad that I didn’t comprehend it until I felt liquid drip down my nose. I had turned into the world’s bloodiest leaking faucet. Someone witnessed this in their periphery and asked me if they needed to phone someone. In a panic I basically wailed for them not to, even though I would soon freak out and think I need an ambulance. Someone else came by and ended up giving me paper towels, which quickly looked like I had murdered a mouse with them. My nosebleed soon stopped but not before someone else checked on me. TLDR; fought a glass door and lost. I do not envy the janitorial staff. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by asking my boss why his cock got hard on my leg.

***not a fake post. I’m F 32, He was standing over one of my legs while I was sitting in front of him facing him (spinal adjustment) and he spread my knees with his leg, put his hand on my stomach and then there was a ton of sexual tension and I felt his cock grow into my leg and then start to fill with blood and then twitch on my leg. My boss has been leading me on for two years in subtle ways. Lots of waist pinching, close moments, and “were you good while I was away(s)?” Mostly breadcrumbing himself out to me while his wife (who I also work with) became increasingly hostile towards me. He is someone who has been a mentor to me for ten years. The two of them seem to be having marital problems on and off. The other month, while in close proximity, he started to get hard on my leg and moved when he noticed. A while later, I asked for an open conversation on the attraction between us and what to do about it. It has been distressing me and I had reached my limit. I figured since we’ve...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by going through my girlfriend’s old photos

My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 months or so and things have been up and down but I love her a lot and she loves me a lot. We’re both 20 and she’s had a lot more experience sexually than I have and this has always bothered me but besides that we have a pretty good relationship. We’ve talked about our pasts and she’s had some pretty bad experiences that caused her to kind of go off the rails up until we met. She’s all in on me and I’m all in on her and she’s expressed a lot of regret about her past choices and I’ve tried to be as understanding as possible but I’ve always had some insecurity regarding it. Well anyways last night I was on her laptop and saw her photos were linked to it and I stupidly clicked on it and started going through them. Don’t need anyone telling me that it was dumb and an invasion of privacy because I really realize that now and I will never be going through any of her stuff again. Anyways I ended up seeing a lot of shit. Clicked on a folder that...
Post a Comment
Read more