Skip to main content

TIFU by perving on an 83 year old woman and accidentally blasting a prn ad into my wife's ears

So I have eclectic tastes. With music, specially, I listen to a wide variety of genres, sub-genres, cultural categories, etc. YouTube's algorithm struggles to keep up with me sometimes, so it will throw the most random videos at me.

(I know this is not how it works, but I can't help talking about YouTube that way.)

So last night YouTube recommended a video titled "Ann-Margaret: Shotgun." If you're not familiar with Ann-Margaret, she was a real eye catcher back in her day. She knew what her mama gave her, and she made a name for herself by shaking it in various states of dress - often while maintaining a contrasting innocent look. (At least, that's how I see it; I'm not from that era.) My first introduction to Ann-Margaret was on Mad Men, in which they play a clip of her singing Bye Bye Birdie.

Oh my.. That clip has stuck with me over the years, but I never really looked into her. I've seen Ann-Margaret pop up in references throughout the years, but mostly I've just ignored her.

But YouTube decided it was time I get to know this lady a little better. The aforementioned video appeared on my TV last night. I gave it a shot, because why not. It looked innocent enough. When, however, a close-up of Ann-Margaret's hips shaking through a pair of sheer black leggings, I realized I needed to take her off my 85" screen. I wasn't alone in the house, after all.

Some time later, I decided to look her up on my phone. Google Ann-Margaret, click on images, and you get some alluring results.

But that was not enough.

Oh, no, dear reader. My depraved mind needed more.

So I added "nude" to the search, then turned off safe search. The results were considerably more seductive. Naturally.

The first of those results came from AZNudes. Hey, I've been there before. I'm not proud. I'm not ashamed, either. At least, not that ashamed. I dutifully tapped the link. It loaded quickly, and instead of seeing Ann-Maragret in the buff, I saw an ad for jerkmate on auto-play. I instinctively turned down the volume of my phone, just in case. There was no sound coming out of it, to my relief.

But wait a minute! The volume was at full. And it had the Bluetooth icon. That wasn't right, because my buds were in their case. I decided to check my Bluetooth settings, and the blood just emptied from my face. I could feel myself turn white.

My phone was not connected to my buds. Oh no, dear reader. My phone was connected to my wife's older headphones. I didn't even know she had them anymore!

As nonchalantly as I could, I went to check on her. She was doing something for work, so I had to walk across the house. We made eye contact, but she just smiled. A very knowing, judgy-but-I've-accepted-your-depravity-as-my-husband kind of smile.

She still hasn't said a word about it. But I know that for the briefest of moments, my wife was blasted with "Yo! Ever heard of jerkmate!"

Tl;Dr: I looked up nude photos of Ann-Margaret and managed to blast the audio of a jerkmate ad into my wife's ears.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

TIFU by forgetting my purse and attempting to get fuel

Not the craziest story but hey. I'm obligated to say this was a few months ago but I cringe every time I go past the petrol station . My petrol was getting low, not dangerously so but it said 27 miles left, (oftentimes it then suddenly drops to about 16 for example, and then 5 and then 0 very fast) I didnt have my purse on me as I just didn't need it... Picked my daughter up from school and then went on to collect my 2 stepdaughters from across town and then set off for home. En route the gauge went to 7 and then suddenly it was 1 so I stopped at the petrol station near our house. The petrol was on 0 as i pulled up to the pump and that's when I realised I had no money. I left the kids in the car at the pump and went in to talk to the cashier, it wasn't mega busy but there was a queue, I'd heard that they can help you if you can't pay for fuel. Like keeping something of yours as security. It was an elderly man and he basically refused to help. At this point i...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU - Don’t do what I did

On Sunday morning Aug. 24th, I awoke to discover a large blind spot in my right eye, which turned out to be what is called wet age-related macular degeneration (AMD). It has resulted in a very significant, permanent loss of vision in that eye. Although I maintain good peripheral vision, whatever I focus on at best is very blurry, and mostly disappears. I can barely make out the large E at the top of the eye chart. If this happens to my left eye I’ll be unable to read or drive. It turns out that I missed the opportunity that I had to prevent this from becoming a serious problem because I failed to report what appeared to be minor changes in my vision. In the weeks prior to August I had noticed that what I knew to be straight lines appeared to my right eye to have a little waviness. I also noticed that the color of my front lawn, which I could see through the window from my recliner,  was subdued, looked almost gray, in my right eye. So I scheduled an eye exam, which revealed the p...
Post a Comment
Read more

TIFU by getting suspended for 2 days by my front office in school.

I (13M) am an African American student at Jeannette junior high who had got suspended for 2 days here. I was in math class minding my business until my teacher had told me to go to the main office, which posed no problem to me. As i went down there, the people of the front office had stopped me and made me get a new ID (yes, we have id's.) so i had asked them if i could maybe do a different alternative and call my mother to let her bring the Id here, even then, the Id isn't that important. So, although i was talking to them in a calm manner and not showing any signs of rebellion, they had threatened to call the police on me without thinking twice before calling my parents. This is where i started getting angry, and even then now the black peers agree that could have been a racially motivated action. They then told me to sit in the office conference room because of that, leading into more anger. They had then called my mother who had came over to the school didn't even let ...
Post a Comment
Read more